There are just
some things that you don't say to a mom. Some things that are completely
1. You look tired
Of course, I look tired. I AM tired. I could literally put my head down and take a nap for about four hours
right at this very minute. But thank you for letting me know that I look so God-awful that you just had to tell
me about it. Thank you for pointing out the bags under my eyes and my look of general
malaise. Now, in addition to being exhausted, I feel so much better about myself.
make lunch, make dinner, prepare an endless array of snacks, clean the house,
clean it again, do laundry, do laundry, do laundry, carpool to sports, carpool
to after-school classes, carpool to play dates, wipe tears away, make tiny
humans laugh, organize schedules, talk to teachers, deal with my parents, deal
with my spouse's parents, take kids to doctor appointments, fill out paperwork,
RSVP for birthday parties, buy presents for birthday parties, plan my own kids' birthday parties, be the secret reader at school, be the class mom at school, help
with homework, break up fights and negotiate peace treaties.
I'm sorry, what
was the question again?
Maybe just stop at the "she's so cute" part.
3.(To a working mom)Do you EVER see your kids?
Yes, I see my
kids. What kind of a question is that? Are you trying to make me feel terrible about myself?
I see my kids in
the morning, and I then go work a full workday. Afterwards, I come home, and I
begin the second shift, where I'm also responsible for meals, laundry and the
general well-being of my kids, spouse and house. So, I actually work two full-time jobs, and one of them is a 24-hour a day gig.
Why, yes, I do.
I also let my children eat garbage and some toxic waste. Do
you happen to have any asbestos around? Makes for a great snack.
6. Why didn't you (fill in the blank) today?
7. Why are you so worried all the time?
Oh, I don't know. Maybe
it's because I read the news and every other day there's something horrible
happening to some small child out there. Maybe it's because I'm not a complete
and utter moron, and I know that if you're not careful, your kid could drown,
get hit by a car, be abducted, lose an eye, lose a limb, hurt another child, eat
something poisonous, eat something he/she is allergic to, choke on something
innocuous or just plain old die.
Why aren't you more worried?
Do not ever point out a woman's gray hairs to her.
8. When is the baby due?
Nope, no baby in this
belly. Just a lot of leftover blubber from the last one. BUT THANK YOU FOR
NOTICING! I'm also starting to get wrinkles. Would you like to discuss that,
9. She's so cute. She doesn't look a thing
Maybe just stop
at the "she's so cute" part.
10. And, of course, the one I overheard at a
mommy play group: You have so many gray hairs
Do not ever point out a woman's gray hairs to her. Unless,
of course, you are her stylist, and she is sitting in your chair, and you are
about to make her look gorgeous. (Please note, if you are her stylist, you may
not say this to her at the supermarket, or anywhere else you may be powerless
to fix said gray hairs.)
Unless, perhaps, you are talking to a hipster mom and she is
trying out the whole "silver hair" trend. But even then, you probably shouldn't say anything. What if you've found the
one gray hair in her silver hair?
Or, unless, perhaps, she is so confident and self-assured
that the grays don't bother her. In
which case, can you please give me her number? She probably has a lot to teach