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I spent my entire life being self-conscious about the hair
on my body. I've got light skin and dark hair, which is a recipe for teenage
angst. I spent the better part of my teenage years (oh, hell, my adult ones,
too!) envying friends who had blonde hair on their legs, friends who never
really got a ton of hair on their arms, friends who didn't understand why I'd
subject myself to hot wax on my nether-regions before a simple day at the
I maintained a regular wax appointment once a month for most
of my life, where the only instruction was: any hair you see that's not on my
head? Get rid of it.
But I'm not even on Instagram. (Philosophical digression: If you dye your armpit hair and don't post a picture of it on Insta, did you even dye your armpit hair at all?)
But now it's hip—feminist even—to let the hair under your
arms grow free. And adorn it with fun colors, no less. I like fun colors. Who
doesn't like fun colors? Maybe I'd stop shaving and waxing and just generally
torturing my body hair into submission for long enough to get in on this trend.
Only problem? Last month I paid hundreds of dollars to have
the hair under my arms permanently lasered off. So, now it's gone. All gone.
Zip. Zilch. Nada.
Why was I not informed of this trend ahead of time? It took
me weeks to grow out my underarm hair to get ready to have it permanently
zapped off. I could have been the poster girl for this new trend! Who knows, I
could have even created the idea of
dying your armpit hair.
But I'm not even on Instagram. (Philosophical digression: If you dye your armpit hair
and don't post a picture of it on Insta, did you even dye your armpit hair at
all?) Posing while exposing my hairy pits? Probably wasn't going to happen.
I didn't feel cute, or sexy or in any way feminist when I was letting my armpit hair grow free. And also?
It did not smell good. I used anti-perspirant but that was no match
for a day of working and wrangling kids, getting food on the table and the
myriad things I do all day that make me break a sweat. (Um, and exercise? Yes,
let's pretend I also exercised.)
The point is, even when I was weeks ahead of this trend, I
totally wasn't into it. So, I guess that me and my newly-lasered pits won't be
in fashion. But we will be comfortable and hair-free all summer long.