[This re-post is inspired by today's news in celebrity shockers: Angelina Jolie filed for divorce from her husband of two years, partner of 12 years and the father of her six kids.]
again . You didn't think that it ever would, but it did.
celebrity couple has split up. This time, it's Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner. Ben and Jen. There have been countless others before, but this
one? This one you really thought had a chance.
It's going to be
okay, really it is. Take a deep breath. Know that you're gonna feel
some things in the next few days. It's a process. I'm here to walk you through it now and when, inevitably, it happens again.
This can't be
true. Those gossip papers print things that aren't true all the time. All. The.
Time. [Insert celebrity supercouple mashup name] should sue. I should sue.
SOMEONE SHOULD SUE!
Stage 2: Anger
supposed to last. This couple was supposed to make it, dammit. If they can't
make it work, who can? I mean, they have both
played superheroes. If a couple of superheroes can't make it in this cruel
world, how is there any hope for the rest of us? How will the non-superheroes
of the world ever make any relationship work out?
Stage 3: Bargaining
This is totally
fine. After all, I don't even know
[insert celebrity supercouple mashup name]. Although, if I lived in Los Angeles, we'd
probably all be best friends. We'd probably all be best friends, and our kids
would be best friends and it would be the Best. Thing. Ever.
But I don't, and
that's OK. They are totally OK. I am totally OK.
Stage 4: Depression
Why don't I live
in LA? If I lived in LA, [insert celebrity supercouple mashup name here] and I
would be BFFs and they never would have broken up. I would have been the calming
and normal influence that they needed. Why aren't I BFFs with [insert celebrity
supercouple mashup name]? Why, dear God? Whhhyyy?
Stage 5: Acceptance
So what? Another
celebrity couple has broken up. It happens every day. I will not cry about it
(anymore), and I won't even think about it. Yes, if I lived in L.A., we would
have been best friends forever. But, I don't, so we're not. There's probably a
very good reason that they broke up, and, hopefully, they will both be much
happier on their own.