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Elegy For Every Child's Favorite Non-Toy

Sealed Air, maker of Bubble Wrap, announced last week that it is revamping its revolutionary 1957 invention in favor of popless package protection. Traditional Bubble Wrap, one of childhood's most delightful playthings, is too bulky to compete with the cheaper, more efficient packaging of today's market.

The new product will be called iBubble, as if it has something to do with Apple, which it doesn't. The bubbles are now connected in long rows of air, which will be pumped at the shipping sight. The extra space created by the new packaging will allow for cost savings in transport, particularly international.

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As competition for inexpensive, secure shipping heats up among retailers like Amazon and Target, Sealed Air's profit margins have declined sharply. While it's understandable that a company seeks to stay afloat, we can't help but be saddened by our loss of Bubble Wrap, which was often the more exciting thing in the box than your gift from Aunt Mary.

Dearest Bubble Wrap, we mourn thee.

Elegy For Bubble Wrap

Oh Bubble Wrap, Protector
Of Cargo, Almighty Deflector
Of Listless Brains

Thy Airy Puff Snuffed
Over Spaces In Cases
And Corporate Gains

Thy Clever Diversion
Expunged With Aspersion
Children Forlorn, Despair

Over Merriment Popped
Thy Purpose Now Flopped
By Conjoined, Silenced Air

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For Profit And Greed
Our Wounded Hearts Bleed
With Plundered Youth And Joy

We'll Remember Thou Well
In Adventures We Tell
To Ill-Fated Girl And Boy.

-- finis --

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