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10 Big Lessons From a Day at Sesame Place

Photograph by Facebook

On a warm summer day, hyped up on apple juice and Vicodin, we loaded our family of four into the car and set off on a journey to the inner-sanctum of hell. Otherwise known as Sesame Place.

Fellow parents, I have come back bearing knowledge, a blistering sunburn and several commemorative cups. Here's what I learned:

1. According to my son, the best ride is the elevator. You know, the one in Cookie's Café we had to take to get to the second level of seating to eat our lunch.

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2. My husband learned the hard way that the Southwest Chicken Salad, loaded with an entire bag of imitation shredded cheddar and topped off with a healthy glob of barbecue sauce, is maybe not the best dish to consume moments before boarding the Elmo Blast Off.

3. There are lots of water rides here and, no, the faint smell of urine is not in your imagination.

4. There's nothing that gives you a new outlook on life like careening down a water slide in an inner tube with a lanky preschooler snugly positioned between your bare thighs.

5. The "Dry Fun" section is much more fun than it sounds. Not as fun as the "Wet Fun"—a little chafing, but certainly better than no "fun" at all.

6. A 30-foot picture of Ernie in the Splash Area will cause my daughter to enter a state of delirium her mother would reserve for encounters with members of Duran Duran.

7. Nothing makes you feel quite like a kid again than realizing that your swimsuit from last year has lost all the elastic in the seat, so that you're running around a theme park in what essentially looks like a droopy diaper.

8. Sneaking suspicion that the person in the Cookie Monster costume is dancing just a little too enthusiastically with me at the "delicious" Elmo & Friends buffet dinner.

9. Did you know that Sesame Place is owned by SeaWorld, so you just killed a dolphin by coming here? OK, just checking.

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10. Winning at parenting means hearing a lost child report over the loudspeaker and knowing it's not one of yours.

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