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Trust Me, Your Husband Wants You to Initiate Sex

Photograph by Twenty20

As women, we all know what it's like to get into a routine when it comes to our sex lives. Let's be honest, we've all been in a rut when it comes to sexy time—especially after we've had kids.

I've talked to a lot of women who have been in long-term relationships about how it's normal to not crave as much sex after you have children. A common thread among all my friends is waiting. Waiting to get our bodies back, waiting to feel sexy, waiting to not feel so tired and waiting until life doesn't feel so damn hectic in hopes we will get our libido back.

But, along with this waiting game, is something else many women have admitted to: We wait for our partner to initiate sex. After all, they probably want it more than we do and there are days when we feel if they aren't asking for it, they must be all set and we're off the hook.

I know it sounds horrible to actually say that out loud, but we've all felt that way at one time or another, and if you're a new mom, that time is probably now.

But how are the husbands really feeling? I sat down to talk with some of my friends' husbands or boyfriends to find out and they all pretty much said the exact same thing: Just because they aren't initiating sex, it certainly doesn't mean they aren't in the mood.

In fact, most men said they're tired of always being the ones to have to make the first move. It's not fun to always be the one reaching out and fearing the rejection that their partner might not be in the mood. It affects them deeply, even if they don't show it.

Mike, a father of one, echoed what a lot of the men told me: "When she doesn't seem to need it from me, it makes me question her love for me."

If you're feeling the fire, don't let it burn out.

"In the beginning of our relationship, my wife used to initiate sex all the time. She hardly ever does anymore, but when it happens, it lets me know she's in the mood and makes me incredibly happy. Plus, it takes the pressure off of me," shared Tyler, a father of three.

Then there's dad of two, Craig, describing a situation that so many of us have found ourselves in: "There have been times my wife has woken up and said she was in the mood the night before, but never said anything. And, because I didn't initiate sex, she was hurt because she struggles with asking for it."

As a woman who has been in this exact situation, I also know what happens when you're the one waiting for your partner to make the first move all the time. It's almost as if you feel out of practice and the less you put the moves on your guy, the less you likely you're going to try to do it. It feels scary, so we don't.

This can easily turn into a vicious cycle, which is why I'm a big believer in ladies making the first move. Not only do our partners like it, it's empowering. It's fun to take charge whether you're calling your man for an afternoon quickie or you feel a spark in your special place in the morning when you wake up.

If you're feeling the fire, don't let it burn out. We all know how quickly that can happen between managing a household and working. Yes, it will be uncomfortable at first, but you need to just do it. Getting your groove back may take some time, but trust me, it will totally be worth it—for everyone.

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