Look, if you clicked this piece, I know you know where I'm going with this. This whole unicorn thing has gotten out of hand.
I can't scroll through my Facebook feed without seeing something unicorn-related. Most recently, it was this giant unicorn pool floaty blowing up my feed, even though I live in Alaska and have exactly zero use for such a thing. There was also the Unicorn Frappuccino, unicorn ice cream and this woman who kind of claims to be a unicorn (and has gotten a ton of followers as a result). It turns out unicorn hair is even a thing.
There's even an entire freakin' unicorn island now in the Philippines, just in case you don't have enough Instagram fodder.
But after you go down that little flavor rainbow, can we have a chat? Just between you and me? Because while the rest of the world is going gaga over unicorns, I’m over here wondering when I missed the memo.
I hate to break it to you guys, but unicorns aren't real.
For the record, as a child of the '80s, I was just as into Lisa Frank as every other tween back then. And unicorns were totally a part of it. I get the throwback nostalgia. There's even a man from my past who I used to jokingly refer to as a unicorn (because he was the perfect combination of hot and nice and still so totally out of reach).
But come on. We're all adults here. Do we really need to be feeding into this unicorn hype?
And truth: Do you actually enjoy all these unicorn flavors, or is infusing everything with unicorn just making it all so sickeningly sweet that you walk away with heartburn and a sour stomach?
(No, that's just me? Well, great.)
Sure, unicorns are fun and a cute little throwback to our youth, but does all this hype really make sense to anyone else? Just earlier this month, we had National Unicorn Day, for crying out loud. And it seems like every product with even a hint of sparkle is now slapping "unicorn" on the label and standing back to collect all your money. (Don't give it to them, people! It’s just glitter and pastels!)
I hate to break it to you guys, but unicorns aren't real. And neither are vampires or mermaids or any other fantasy craze that has cropped up in the last couple of years.
Maybe people are so into those mythical beings because they all sparkle. Maybe as humans, we are just naturally drawn to anything that shines and isn't human. In which case, I’m calling the next craze right now: sparkly dragons.
If you’ll excuse me, I need to go invent a sparkly dragon body wash before the masses start lining up.