It's lovely to imagine that you actually like all the children that you have an unwritten obligation to give a gift to in December. The reality is, you probably don't like each and every one of your cousins' children or even your dear friends' little darlings. Plenty of parents don't always even like their own children. Or maybe they like one more than the other. Hey! It happens.
But, it's Christmas and because gifts have to happen doesn't mean they have to be created equal (no carol, storybook or Christmas decree ever mentions equality). So here are some gift ideas for the little shits kids in your life who may not get exactly what they deserve but you can at least gift them a taste...Fa La La!
1. A lunchbox: A lunchbox is one of those things that you just get your kid in September before they go back to school. It's functional, and sometimes it has a Frozen character, or some kind of superhero emblazoned on it. Some company called OmieBox is calling their lunchbox a "fantastic gift" for the holidays that "kids will be able to enjoy all year long!" thanks to being "able to store hot AND cold food up to six hours." A child will easily not enjoy one of these lunch boxes all year long if they get it for Christmas, but certainly you will if you get it for them.
2. Underwear: Before you knock it, lots of little kids (and many adults) would be thrilled to get a set of days of the week underwear (or Underoos). For kids who enjoy spicing it up in all the wrong ways, however, let them know they can tone their pain-in-the-ass ways down with these plain-ass underwear.
3. Last season's hot toy: The only thing worse than not getting the It toy of the season? Getting last season's It toy.
4. A toy that's too old for them.
5. A toy that's too young for them.
6. Something you know will break as soon as they play with it. (Basically, any of the Little Live Pets.)
7. Something requiring the kind of battery that no one keeps in stock at home: Sorry, kid. Maybe ask your parents to search eBay for the zinc chloride battery you'll need to turn that thing on.
8. Something from eBay: Good luck returning it. Mwahahaha.
8. Something smaller than what you give to their sibling: Size always matters when your sibling gets the bigger thing.
9. A gift certificate to a store where there's pretty much nothing they'll want: In other words: Radio Shack.
10. A savings bond: Here's hoping their future is better than their present.