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Crotch Fitness Where You Compete Against Others

Photograph by Twenty20

Wearable technology has changed people's lives, there's no doubt about it. Products like Fitbit have gotten people off the couch and into the streets walking toward their 10K steps goal. Wearable tech tracks important vitals, like heart rate and hours of sleep. And little emojis and graphs and inspirational messages are strangely motivating, keeping you at it, day after day, week after week.

Apparently, there are no limits to where these wearables might go, what they will measure or the type of "engagement" that they encourage in order to push the user toward reaching their goals.

E.g.: Elvie.

Elvie is like a Fitbit, with some significant differences. Instead of wearing Elvie on your pocket, you insert Elvie in your vagina. Also unlike the Fitbit, Elvie's purpose is more like a joystick (no, not that kind). She sends a Bluetooth signal out of your pants to your smartphone, which reports in real time how many reps your vaginal muscles squeezed out, how long you held them, how much your strength is improving.

And like the crotch coach she is, Elvie motivates through games and competition. Through Elvie's app, you can compare yourself against the squat muscle goals of women you friended through her social media function. No TMI in that! Just fun and purpose. So, maybe your BFF is always 30K steps ahead of you on your Fitbit app, but Elvie lets you win where it really counts: core strength, way down there.

Why bother going about your day with a medical-grade silicone encased egg between your legs? Orgasms, baby. Better orgasms. Elvie strength-training promises to get women's pelvic floors back in shape, which, in addition to improving "grip" during intercourse, will address the more serious situation aging moms often experience: peeing their pants when they sneeze or laugh too hard.

Around 40 percent of the early buyers of Elvies are women ages 30 to 49, and women over 50 made up another 20 percent of the pre-orders, Mashable reported. The 29 and younger set made up just under 20 percent of pre-order sales. Elvie, apparently, is for everyone (caveat: with a vagina).

Sure, gals can just do their kegels without a vag pedometer and get the same orgasm/no-pee results. But, like her predecessor the Fitbit, Elvie keeps you accountable in ways that just meaning to get your lady bits fit can't: rewards, encouragement, fun games you can play without anyone realizing—all with real-time feedback.

Squeeze on, moms, squeeze on.

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