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To the Wife Who Hates Going Down on Her Husband: Try This

Photograph by Twenty20

Who here read the recent article about the woman who hates giving oral sex to her husband? To recap, she loves her man but finds blow jobs degrading, particularly the idea of him finishing in her mouth. Reading her story, all I wanted was to buy her a drink and lay some sex tips on her, girl to girl.

The first thing I’d say is, if giving head feels degrading, you might be doing it wrong. And by "wrong," I mean "wrong for you." Ideally, pleasuring your man orally should feel empowering. He is literally putty in your hands.

Unless it turns you on, you'll want to avoid any positions where you feel gagged or overpowered. He shouldn’t be pushing your head down, either. You take control of everything from the pace to the depth of penetration. It’s your show.

First, find a comfortable position that puts you in the driver’s seat. Crouching between his legs while he lays back gives you good control but can be hell on your back, so try kneeling on a pillow while he sits on the bed with his legs hanging over or laying down next to him on your side.

If giving head feels degrading, you might be doing it wrong.

Next, don’t skip the foreplay. If you jump right into the action of a blow job, it could end up lasting a jaw-breakingly long time. Start with a little make-out session to get him warmed up. Even if you’re not planning to engage in intercourse, give him some visual stimulation by wearing lingerie or going topless. Stimulate him with gentle kisses, licks and warm breaths before you ever take him into your mouth. Talking dirty takes no physical effort, but can speed up your progress enormously!

Now let’s talk technique: Giving a man oral sex does take some effort. As Samantha famously said on "Sex and the City," “They don’t call it a job for nothing.” But nobody expects you to deep throat like a porn star. The most sensitive part of a man’s penis is the head, anyway. Get your mouth around that and let your hands do the rest. I swear he will not mind a bit. Move your mouth and hands in unison with a bit of lubrication (saliva is fine) and he may not even know the difference!

If you feel yourself gagging or gasping for air, give your mouth a break while your hands keep up the rhythm. Treat him to fluttery kisses or lick him like an ice cream cone, focusing on the frenulum—the sensitive underside of the penis—until you feel ready to put it back in your mouth.

When he’s breathing hard and clearly in the zone, see if you can wrap one of your hands around his balls to help push him over the edge.

As for the grand finale, you have choices. If you just can’t stomach the idea of semen in your mouth, find something you’re comfortable doing that still feels loving to him. Maybe he can finish on his own stomach while you look deeply into his eyes, kissing his thighs. If you are open to spitting or swallowing, but are held back by smell or taste issues, make him take a shower first and feed him a nice fruit salad earlier in the day—it’s supposed to make his joy juice sweeter.

What other tips would you give this oral-shy wife to help take the blech out of BJs?

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