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I'm a Tired Mom, But I Still Like Having Sex With My Husband

Photograph by Twenty20

If you say the word "sex" in relation to parenthood and odds are, you’re going to get some laughs and jokes like, “Sex? What sex? We have a child!” Groups of moms gather together over glasses of wine and all agree they’re on the same page: Sex was fine before, but now we have different priorities. In fact, we really couldn't care less about having sex because we have toddlers crawling on us all day. We’re too tired.

I’ve been in these groups as the one staying silent and occasionally nodding as I awkwardly sip my pinot noir. Because, the truth is, I’m tired too. I get crawled on by my daughter all day, too. Life is completely different than when it was just my husband and me. But I still love having sex with him. Here’s why.

1. I need that touch only my partner can provide

I feel I'm the minority on this with my mom friends, but instead of wanting to retreat from my husband because my daughter was super clingy that day, I find myself wanting him more. Let’s face it, in the throes of third base, you feel quite different than when your child wants to climb all over you as if you were Mount Everest.

2. I’m stressed out and lead a busy life, so sex is my stress reliever

Orgasms produce the hormone oxytocin, which has been studied in its effect of lowering blood pressure. Stress can increase blood pressure. Ergo, having more orgasms helps decrease more stress. Though I don’t actually need a partner to have an orgasm, the intimacy of being with my husband also gets oxytocin going. Plus, I sleep better. And who wouldn’t want that?

Having sex lowers my stress level, but equally, and perhaps more importantly, I need it to bond with my husband again.

3. I need it to reconnect with my husband

Having sex lowers my stress level, but equally, and perhaps more importantly, I need it to bond with my husband again. Parenthood has its challenges and the day-to-day life of wiping noses and cleaning crayon off the walls distracts me from the intimate relationship I have with the father of my child. It’s easy to become consumed in motherhood and tending to the needs of a baby or toddler. The further apart our sexy time gets, the more distant I feel from him. And, since we’re in this parenthood thing together, I need to continue to nurture that relationship too.

4. I need the reminder I’m still a wife

As a work-from-mom who is with her daughter a lot, I feel like I don’t get a break. I’m holding conversations with a 2-year-old all day and find myself repeating for the tenth time, “Stop touching that!” or “Because Mommy said so!” I need someone to desire me. I need someone to look past the breastfeeding boobs and circles under my eyes and find me sexy. I need to know that while I’m always going to be a mother, I’m still someone’s wife. And, though I might be busy, stressed and exhausted from mommying all day, in the end, my husband still wants to get under the sheets with me. So, I’m more than happy to oblige.

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