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The Sex Mistake Most New Moms Make

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Photograph by Twenty20

When it comes to sex after baby, most new mothers would agree that it takes time to feel like your old self again. Or maybe things will never feel exactly as they did before you became a parent, but that doesn't have to mean that becoming a mom means an end to your sex life. Most people agree that women should never be pressured into having sex. But the other side of this is that if you never take the leap and get back in the saddle, it can do a real detriment to your relationship.

The biggest mistake a new mom can make is to ignore her husband or partner in the bedroom. I get it—now that you have a new baby, sex is not in the forefront of your mind. But even though it can be difficult to find the energy and the desire, the alternative is that the distance in your relationship will likely increase. And, in those first few months of being new parents, you really need to maintain your connection more than ever.

Sex is one of the main ways many couples stay connected. Not only that, but it's a part of your life that is separate from being a mom and it's one that you don't want to necessarily cast aside.

I'm not saying you need to turn into your husband's sex slave six weeks after giving birth. But I do advocate not putting your love life on the back burner and risking the rift that will inevitably result from the loss of intimacy in your relationship. Here are the top reasons new moms give when trying to avoid sex—and an alternative way to think about how to switch up the situation.

"I feel gross"

Your body has been through hell. There are parts of it that may be unrecognizable. Your boobs, once sex objects, have now become someone's lunch ticket. But think of it this way, although there may be more of you at the moment, you just birthed a human being—and if that doesn't make you a sexy goddess, I don't know what does.

Though it can be difficult to find the energy and the desire, the alternative is that the distance in your relationship will likely increase.

"I'm not in the mood"

Feeling more into bonding with your baby than getting busy with your hubs is not accidental. With hormones raging a plenty, there's a real reason you may not feel desire. But the old adage of "fake it until you make it" couldn't be more appropriate here. Although you may not feel intense desire for your partner at first, the more you do it, the more those feelings have a chance of coming back.

"I have no energy"

It's true that there's no way to have the same vivacity you did before baby, and the lure of your pillow can be much more alluring than the person lying next to you. But even if you feel like you'd rather pass out, remember that having sex can be extremely relaxing and restorative. Just the thought of orgasms flooding your body with feel-good endorphins should be enough to get you to rally.

"I have no time"

There's so much to prioritize these days that of course sex is one of the furthest things down on your list. But if you make the time for it, the payoff will be more than a happy husband. It'll be a strong connection that the two of you can share, beyond just being co-workers in your new job as parents.

"It will happen in good time"

Maybe. But when life gets busy, a few weeks can turn into months and suddenly your sex life is nonexistent. Instead of waiting for things to get hotter, take the steps to stoke the fire right now. Remember, no one is saying sex has to be like it was before baby, but chances are if you put some effort in, it could be OK—or maybe even better.

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