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8 New-Mom Milestones You Won't Find on Pinterest

Photograph by Twenty20

Pinterest is a great place to find ways to celebrate your child’s milestones, but they’ve really dropped the ball when it comes to the milestones of motherhood.

Mommy milestones may not be as cute as those initial wobbly steps or the first day of school, but they deserve some appreciation, too. They may not all be worthy of a chalkboard sign, but almost all moms will experience these moments at some point during her parenting journey.

I apologized for something my kid said/did today

Maybe your newborn began screaming in the middle of an otherwise quiet restaurant, startling diners. Maybe your toddler loudly asked the cashier at Target about her mustache. It’s inevitable that at some point your kid is going to do or say something and leave you holding the bag.

Somebody talked crap about my kid and I didn’t kill them

Brace yourself, because at some point you’re going to bristle at something someone says in criticism of your little baby. Even if your kid is a perfect angel all the time (LOL, I know, I laughed at that idea too), you will eventually come into contact with someone who is going to have something critical to say about your kid, sending you into full-blown mama-bear mode.

You will eventually come into contact with someone who is going to have something critical to say about your kid, sending you into full-blown mama-bear mode.

I admitted my kid was a jerk for the first time

The person talking smack on your kid may end up being you. They seem to go from delicious newborns to 3-year-old chaos demons in the blink of an eye. You may be a "scream it from the rooftop" kind of mom or a "whisper it to your significant other in the dark" kind of mom, but some day you’re going to say the words out loud. It’s cool, mama, just as long as you don’t say it where they can hear you!

I survived my first bout of momnesia

As hard as it is to believe during the days that follow the birth of your child, the feelings and emotions the come shortly after giving birth become a distant memory (sadly, the searing pain of a torn labia will become a somewhat less distant memory). One day, somebody is going to ask you for your kid’s date of birth and you’re just going to look at them with a dumb expression on your face because, “Holy crap, was she born on the 9th or the 10th?!” You now have a condition known as momnesia, and there is no known cure. You can go ahead and thank your two daughters—what’s-her-face and the other one—for giving it to you.

I discovered I can use my kids to get out of doing things I don’t want to

Kids are a built-in excuse to get you out of a whole host of stuff that you don’t want to do. You just say you can’t make it because it’s too early/late/hot/cold/whatever to bring the kids and you can’t find a sitter. If you’re living your best life, you used this trick during pregnancy as well.

I leveled up my Google game

There comes a time when Dr. Google gets replaced by Housekeeper Google and all your diaper rash searches get replaced with very specific cleaning questions like “how to remove Sharpie from a microfiber couch” or “how to get lipstick off clothing.”


Dr. Google and Housekeeper Google ain’t got nothing on "Is This Lice?" Google. We all get there sooner than we’d like to.

My metamorphosis into my mother is nearly complete

The first time you respond to a question from your toddler with “because I said so” or “I’m the mom, that’s why,” you should be legally required to call your own mother and tell her you love her.

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