I remember the first time I masturbated after having a child. I felt different. Like, "weird and bad and ashamed" different.
I somehow felt like because I was a mother, and because I wasn't feeling as sexual, and my husband and I weren't having regular sex, it really wasn't allowed—which did nothing for my orgasm.
This way of thinking is bullshit but this is what happens when we become a mother and everything we do is driven be another person's needs—it can feel strange to take care of ourselves, especially in this way.
But the truth is, moms need to get off ,too. Just because your life has changed from being carefree, only worrying about yourself and running your own schedule, doesn't mean you don't feel an urge to take care of yourself while you are in the shower. Or trying to take a nap when the baby is sleeping. Or one evening when your partner is working late.
Moms are touched all the time. We love to snuggle our child and cuddle with our partner and be caressed, but there are times when we don't want anyone else's hands on us.
We have moments when we are in the mood but too tired to let our partners know, or give back, or spend time talking after. We want to get ours, then roll over and go to sleep or get to the grocery store to get the ingredients to make a batch of cookies, and we don't want to take the time to have actual sex.
No, ladies, no. When you are in the mood, take care of yourself.
But what we do want is to have an orgasm with the door closed—whether it's in the bathroom our bedroom or the damn pantry, alone.
And we are allowed. Masturbation is a form of self-care. We stretch our muscles if they feel tight. We get out roots done if we see grays popping through. We call a therapist if we need someone to talk to. We draw a bath or call our best friend.
But masturbating when we're in the mood can be one of those things we shut down because who has the time, this feeling will pass, I'll just wait for my partner to come home and take care of my needs and I'll take care of their needs because I'm hardly in the mood anymore and that's what's fair.
No, ladies, no. When you are in the mood, take care of yourself. If you want to wait for your partner, then do that too. But don't neglect an urge because you feel guilty that you should be saving it for someone else after your sex drive has slowed down a bit.
No one says this enough but moms need to get off too—and they should do it whenever they want with zero guilt. And sometimes that looks like grabbing your vibrator and hiding in your car for five damn minutes to take care of you. If that's the only quiet time we get that day, it was worth it.