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Hey Husbands, Here's The Real Reason We Get So Wound Up When You Wanna Get Some

Photograph by Twenty20

Dear Husbands of the World,

You’ve probably noticed that most married couples are pretty unsatisfied when it comes to sex. There’s a rumor that only you guys aren’t happy with what’s happening in and around the bedroom. But I’m here to tell you we wives are just, if not more, bent out of shape about what’s going on. And by going on, I don’t mean the actual physical act. I mean, we wives are totally annoyed and often pissed off about the way our husbands negotiate, demand, cajole, beg and angle for sex.

So, I figured — as a long-time married lady myself — it’s time one of us explains why we get so effin’ peeved when you guys hound us to get busy.

First and foremost, it’s important that every married guy knows that married women like to have sex. We may not want it the minute you do, but we like to have sex. And we like to have sex with you. But your timing, dudes — your timing is miserable.

See, the constant negotiation you feel from us about sex isn’t actually about sex — at least not from this wife’s point of view. Our eye rolls, sighs, requests to “get off” and clear signals that it’s not going to happen aren’t at all about sex.

They’re about timing.

They’re about support.

They’re about feeling totally invisible when you don’t notice or attend to any of our other needs when you decide you have that need.

Whether a gal works in or out of the house, her day is predominantly filled with filling everyone else’s needs. We make endless meals that aren’t for us. We navigate tantrums, homework, schedules, bad moods, sports practice — all without losing our tempers or our minds.

So, guys, if you want to get some, you gotta give a little.

And then, just before the kid’s bedtime, you swoop in on full "fun guy" mode. You wind the kids up, say goodnight to them, having spent all of 15 minutes with them before you slump on the couch in nothing but your boxer shorts, and say you’re exhausted. And then, the minute we unwind the kids from you winding them up and get them to bed, you’re on full boner patrol.

Cue a very peeved wife.

It’s not like women don’t like sex. We just don’t like it when we also have a pile of laundry beckoning us, because Lord knows you’re not going to help. We get totally annoyed when you can’t notice that.

That’s the thing about moms. We spend a day not asking for anything in return, but out family’s happiness. By the end of the day, we’ve been on broadcast all day.

We want you to notice that. We want you to help.

I always tell my husband there’s no better foreplay than him emptying the dishwasher. But, truthfully, it’s more than that. Sex isn’t just about the act. It’s about connecting with your partner. So, guys, if you want to get some, you gotta give a little.

The next time you want to play touch-and-grab with the wife the minute the kids go to sleep, step back and ask what she needs. Give her a minute. Ask what you can do for her. It will be the first time someone has asked about her all day — maybe all week.

I can’t promise you’ll get some, but I can promise she won’t be so pissed off the next time you wanna get busy after she’s been busy all day.

You’re welcome.

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