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Hey Guys, Here Are The Real Reasons We Don't Always Want to Have Sex With You

Photograph by Unsplash

Married women don’t want to have sex. That’s what men think, right? I can tell you, as a married mom myself, that nothing could be further from the truth. We might not want to have sex at the exact same moment in time the hubs does — because he always wants to have sex — but married moms have as much desire as our partners.

We just don’t always have the time. We also don’t always have the desire, for reasons we don’t always tell you.

See, guys, if I may step out on a limb and speak for married ladies and moms, there are a lot of reasons why sex isn’t always our first priority. And we don’t always tell you the truth about why we don’t want to get busy the minute you are feeling amorous. You know the old saying, “It’s not you, it’s me”? Well, when it comes to some of the reasons we’re denying you, it is you.

You guys don’t seem to realize it, but the things you’re doing make us not want to do it. We don’t tell you because we’re either annoyed or being polite. We’d rather have you roll over in a huff than hurt your feelings. But in an effort to clear some of the tension around household sexual tension, here are some of the reasons we’re not telling you why we don’t jump at the chance to have sex with you each and every time.

Big Dinner

I know it may seem vain, but most gals want to feel good about themselves when they get naked — even with the hubs they’ve known for a decade. Sure, you’ve seen your gal naked hundred times, but that doesn’t mean she wants you to see her after she’s inhaled a bowl of pasta and a few glasses of vino. Nothing screams buzzkill like feeling bad about one’s bod. Also, food coma is real. So, if you’re amorous, make some time before dinner. You just may be surprised by how interested she is before that pizza arrives.

She Hates Her Bod

Having a post-baby belly and boobs can be humbling and send a girl into hiding. Even if you don’t care that her body doesn’t look like it used to, she cares. And that feeling just may make her have less interest in showing her new and not-so-improved body off to you. So, remind her she’s beautiful at any stage and just know that she’s getting used to her new bod even if you don’t mind it. Keep the lights off to avoid the rebuff.

Your Boxer Shorts Have Holes

There’s a lot of pressure on women not to “let themselves go,” but what about guys? When the minister said, “in sickness and in health,” he didn’t necessarily mean, “And your old holey boxer shorts and filthy college sweatshirt.” Don’t forget, we gals want to be wooed and courted even after marriage, just like you do. So, while you may love it when she takes care of herself, remember that she feels the same about you.

If your dad bod has turned into the bod of two dads or you’re still wearing that threadbare T-shirt from the Backstreet Boys tour from two decades ago, up your game. She loves you no matter what, but that doesn’t mean she’s always attracted to you. Time to say "bye, bye, bye" to those nasty old boxers.

She may not say so, but she’s longing for you to try something new.

You’re Boring Her Out of Bed

OK, this is a tough one because both men and women are particularly vulnerable during sex. Men feel a lot of pressure to perform, but you shouldn’t have to feel like you’re auditioning for your spouse. That said, after two people have been together for a while, things can get a little stale between the sheets. She may not say so, but she’s longing for you to try something new. This is not an invitation to go full freak on her, but it is a suggestion that she might not want to have sex often because it’s kind of boring — and Netflix isn’t. Time to shake it up. She’ll thank you.

You Forgot Foreplay

Remember when you were dating and you’d make out on the couch for what seemed like hours? That was fun, right? Well, what happened to that? Because there is so much more to having a killer sex life than just the actual act of having sex. Most women would appreciate some getting in the mood time. Athletes get time to warm up, so should we. Move some of that laundry off the couch and start snuggling.

You Do That Thing She Hates

If there’s one quick and easy way to make her not want to have sex with you, keep doing that thing she told you actually hates. I get it. You love it. But if your goal is for her to want to have sex more often with you, you’re going to need to connect with her more. That means not doing something she totally hates. She spends all day making everyone else happy. Give her the gift of sex she actually likes and you’ll find she wants to do it more often. It’s a win-win!

While it may be difficult to think that you might actually be part of the problem, at least it’s easy to change. The more you have fun, keep things fresh and make her feel like her needs are being met, the more she’ll save you the trouble of asking to have sex — because she’ll have asked you first.

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