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Sometimes I Wish The Internet Had Never Been Invented

Photograph by Twenty20

About two years before I became a mom, I opened up my Facebook account. Back in those days, Facebook accounts were available only to college students, so I hopped on the social media bandwagon right when it was just rolling through. (I mean, aside from the mastery that was MySpace, of course.)

Facebook was instantly addicting—a way to stalk friends and classmates in a fun and harmless manner, checking up on what parties you missed out or who looked great or who looked trashed. But when I had my first daughter, although I relied on the Internet to work one of my jobs from home, that was pretty much all I used it for

It seems hard to imagine now—considering I now look at my phone the second I wake up and the seconds before I sleep—but I made it through my first four years and two kids of motherhood mostly offline. Heck, I didn't even go on anywhere near my computer, nor did I own a smartphone of any kind, for about four months after my second baby was born.

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I mean, what on earth did I even do with myself? How did I look up recipes? Check the weather? Entertain myself during 3 a.m. nursing sessions? It's crazy talk. Because sometime after my second daughter turned one, I started a blog and my life quickly fell down the black of hole of the Interwebz.

And as much as I am grateful to what the Internet has given me, from everything to friendships to work to connection, I'm always feeling just a little big overwhelmed of it all.

Like Chrissy Teigen, I feel like I'm over the negativity online and frankly, I wish I was still able to wake up in the morning without automatically reaching for my phone. And more importantly, how on earth can we model healthy boundaries with our phones as our kids grow into this world too? The whole thing just exhausts me.

There's always something to read, something to watch, someone to follow, something to like, something to share. It. Never. Ends.

I wish I could strike a healthy balance, but I fear I'm officially an addict to my phone and the never-ending accessibility of the online world. There's always something to read, something to watch, someone to follow, something to like, something to share. It. Never. Ends.

And I really can't tell how that has affected me as a mother. On one hand, on those days when I'm really, really struggling, I know it helps me mentally to be able to "zone out" for a minute on Instagram or text my mommy support group of friends and get instant, "Me too, hang in there!" help.

But on the other hand, I'm super distracted. I literally feel like there is not a minute of any day that I am not doing 10 things at once and that is, in large part, due to that darn phone. I want to be able to put it away and out of sight and out of mind, but it calls to me from any drawer. My fingers twitch to check it, my mind races , wondering what email I missed out on, what text is left unread.

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It's pathetic, actually, admitting it out loud to you (and ironic, given the subject matter that I'm writing this on my computer, very much connected to free Wi-Fi), but it's the truth.

I'm just a mom, sitting at her computer, asking the Internet to give me a break.

I wonder sometimes, what life would be like if we had never invented the Internet. (Or discovered it? Which is it?) I want to love the good parts of being online, while leaving the ugly parts, the parts that make me twitch and have a delayed, "Hmmm?" every damn time my children are talking to me. It's time for a revolt or a return back to the olden days of the Internet not ruling my life.

Now, if you could just share, tweet, pin, and like this post, that would give us a good start.

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