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I Regret Everything I Ever Said About Adult-Only Weddings

Photograph by Twenty20

This time last year, I wrote something that changed my life.

I wrote something that I have since come to regret with every fibre of my soul, something that hurt people closest to me, something that has ruined my life in many ways, something that I feel like changed the perception of how people see me forever and forever amen.

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This time last year, a website ran a piece that I wrote after they twisted my words and changed my title to something that I would never have said. Although I meant the article to be humorous, a head-shaking look at the struggle that any parent who has very young kids and limited babysitters that adult-only wedding presents, the website twisted my words to read that I thought adult-only wedding were "selfish." I know now such a tactic is called straight-up "clickbait," designed to draw people in with outrage and disgust. Which in that sense, the article succeeded, drawing criticism and disgust, a Reddit thread, national attention on TV shows and websites across the world while I buried my face in shame. Of all the things I have written and been proud of in my life, from covering, this would be what people remembered me by?

As any professional would say, ugh.

I am begging you to still invite me to your adult-only wedding. I am humbly on my knees asking you to please forgive me.

Maybe I said yes to an assignment because I needed the $70 to buy my kid's school supplies. Maybe I was brand-new to this website and had no idea that such sensationalism was quite normal for them. Maybe I thought that like most of the thousand articles I write every month, that no one would really read it and care anyway. Maybe I thought that when I submitted it with my original title and words that people would take it as the tongue-in-cheek article I meant it to be, with a slight chuckle toward the plight of paying for babysitters for any social event when you have a million children even while you're raising your glass of champagne but still thanking god for adult-only affairs.

But regardless of the reasons, I have come to regret everything I ever said, edited or click baited it may have been twisted to. It wasn't the truth, and honestly, it's almost laughable that anyone could ever truly think any mother would despise being invited to an event that required leaving her children at home while she drank in a fancy dress.

Because the truth is, I want to come to your adult-only wedding. I am begging you to still invite me to your adult-only wedding. I am humbly on my knees asking you to please forgive me and give me the honor of being anywhere near your wedding because I am the scum of the wedding earth who would be happy to exist on your adult-only wedding cake crumbs.

This year, (and I'm sadly aware of the fact that it's probably not a coincidence) my husband and I have only been invited to one wedding, which does in fact happen to be an adult-only wedding. And the wedding just happens to fall on my daughter's second birthday and you know what? I am so grateful for the excuse to go to an event that not only encourages me to leave my kids at home, but downright requires that I am fully planning on skipping my own daughter's birthday.

I mean, she's only 2, so she'll never know when her actual birthday is, right?

The point is, I'm using this opportunity to set the record straight once and for all. Of course I don't think adult-only weddings are selfish. Of course I appreciate any and all wedding invitations I am graced with. Of course I know I am not worthy to sit at your adult-only wedding after such drivel was attributed to my name. Of course I am grateful for the chance to watch any couple profess their love, with or without children.

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So for now, I hope the people of the world will accept my humble apology, realize my deep regret, and please, please for the love of all that is good (and perhaps my marriage and general sanity), please invite me to your adult-only wedding.

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