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Crappy Mommy

Children are expensive because you have to feed them.

My kids want food all day long.

But they don't ever actually eat food. They just waste food.

It always starts the same way. Crappy Boy is hungry.

Really hungry. He whines. He says his belly hurts because he is so hungry.

He asks for an apple.

Okay. He can have an apple. I give him an apple. He takes the apple.

Then ten seconds later;

We call his apple eating technique "ring around the apple". Does he even know that more of it is edible? I'm not certain.

And it is the same thing all day long.

Crappy Baby wants a banana? Fine.

But actually:

He doesn't want a banana. He just the tip of a banana. The rest of it is yucky.

And cereal too.

Just one single bite and then:

I hate cereal. The cereal pieces get mushy and bloated so it can't be saved. And our compost bin is vegan so we can't feed it to him.

The only option with cereal is for me to eat it. Or dump it down the drain. I feel guilty dumping it down the drain and I feel guilty eating it. This is why I hate cereal.

And cheese!

Just yesterday they both grabbed Mini Babybel® cheese rounds from the fridge. We seem to always have these in our fridge because when we go to the market they squeal with glee at the mere sight of them. So we buy them.

Only I'm not convinced that they ever actually eat them. I find them under the couch with little nibbles taken from their sides. But perhaps mice did the nibbling.(Actually, we don't have mice thanks to the Crappy Cats. Too bad, considering how much cheese we have lying around just waiting for them. This is like mouse paradise. They are really missing out.)

So this time, I decide to watch…

They diligently remove the outer wrapper and get to work opening the wax shell.

Once their cheese is hatched, I watch as they slowly put them to their mouths.

And they each take a bite!

Maybe I was wrong! Maybe they do eat them.

Hold on:


I have to get to the bottom of this.

I ask Crappy Boy if he even likes the cheese.

He replies:

Sigh. Bonus points for honesty.

Don't worry, I don't actually throw away the rejected bananas or apples. I cut them up and put them in the freezer for smoothies. So the kids DO eat them eventually. Ha! Suckers.

Oh, and I eat the cheese. Except the ones under the couch. I save those for the mice.

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