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I'm Bringing Sexy Back

Photograph by Getty Images

Before having a son with Down syndrome, the only thing I knew about it was that it tended to appear in the children of older mothers. |I had visions of women with wrinkling skin, gray hair and cardigans hanging off the shoulders. So you can imagine my shock when the geneticist told me that my son had a 99 percent chance of having Down. I didn't see myself as an "older" mother. Would parenting a child with Down mean I would no longer be hot? Would the demands of my new life cause the milk in my sexy carton to expire?

When my son was born, feeling sexy and sensual were kicked to the back of the bus. There were doctors' appointments, therapy sessions, breast-feeding. For me, nothing zapped feeling sexy like breast-feeding, which I did for over three years. When I weaned my son, I felt like the rising sun peeking through the night sky, and I started my mission to bring sexy back into my life. Thank goodness I did, because my libido came home from a long vacation. "I feel like a teenage boy," I'd tell my girlfriends. "I’m constantly thinking about sex and doing what teenage boys do whenever they can." Masturbation was my new hobby, and with it came feelings of desire and curiosity about pleasures I had never considered. I love being a hot parent to a child with special needs.

It may not be totally easy to get there, but here's what works for me:

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No Whining

I don't complain about the challenges of my life. There is nothing that steals joy faster than complaining, and joy is the key to being sexy and sensual. This is not always easy or sometimes even possible. With that in mind, I do my best to monitor my thoughts and how I’m feeling. If something stressful is occurring that will impact my son, like finding a kindergarten program that will meet his needs, I choose one or two friends who will listen for a designated time to my concerns or complaints each day, and then we move on.

Girly Stuff

I’ve found that "girly" things make me feel sexy and sensual. Who knew? Flowers are a big pleasure-stimulator in my book. Wearing essential oils, like lavender and jasmine, also makes me feel really feminine and desirable. And wearing clothing made from fabrics that feel good on my skin generates a sensual energy that makes me feel free and flirty.

The truth is that parenting a child with special needs has forced me to prioritize my own needs in order to bring balance and harmony to our existence.

Reveling in Womanhood

Since becoming a mother, being a woman has become really fun for me. I've taken a new interest in my vagina and its unique purpose. For the first time in my life, I see having a monthly period as a beautiful and sacred experience. Gone are the days of feeling uncomfortable about it. I've also started learning practicing the ancient art of pelvic floor strengthening with jade yoni eggs, a practice done for centuries by women in Asian cultures to keep their wombs healthy. Although the jury is still out on the benefits of this practice for me, I will say that simply bringing my attention to my vagina several times a day reminds me that I am unique, sensual and perfectly made.

Being Beautiful

Finally, I remind myself as often as I can remember that I'm beautiful just as I am. Being a mother of a child with Down syndrome doesn't mean anything in particular. I have decided that my sexual fantasies are acceptable. I'm currently teaching myself to do striptease, because that excites me. There's nothing more fabulous than me in leopard print stilettos, hips swaying from side to side as I remove my clothes, revealing a body I love and celebrate. The truth is that parenting a child with special needs has forced me to prioritize my own needs in order to bring balance and harmony to our existence. The moment he goes to sleep and I put all the Spider-Man toys away, I shower and bring out the toys that remind me that I'm the real superhero in this family.

How do you feel sexy again, after having kids?

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