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I Don't Have a Lot of Friends and I'm OK With That

Photograph by Twenty20

In 7th grade art class, I met a girl who was my height, had the same hair color as I did and approached me in a way no one else had. I was sharpening my pencil when she walked right up to me and said," I have to know you. My name is Meagan," and before I knew it, we were inseparable. We would giggle about boys, dance under the street lights on cold December nights, and sneak out during sleepovers when we were supposed to be in bed.

In college, I walked into my dorm room and saw my roommate for the first time. I'd never met her but we had talked on the phone a few times. She had red hair, the best smile I'd ever seen, and was holding a Diet Coke. We stayed up late into our first night at college sharing stories of our adolescence. We did the same the next night, and the next.

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I have a neighbor I adore, and two sisters who are my soulmates—sometimes I wonder if we were supposed to be triplets. We can read each others energy and thoughts. They know me better than I know myself sometimes and when they need to slap sense into me, they can because they know I can handle it and I love them even more for it.

Because of these relationships I've formed with such special women, relationships that are still very strong today, I really don't have a lot of friends. I just don't have room, and I'm fine with it.

The friends I do have are the ones I can call at 11 p.m. and and verbally throw up on. They are the ones who have seen me go through some shit—from my high school days to college mistakes to becoming a mother, and they are still here.

I don't need a lot of friends, I need friends who are true and real.

I don't have to explain myself to these women. We can cancel plans at the last minute and not hold it against each other. They can show up unannounced, and God, they love my children and I love theirs.

They accept me for who I am. All my messy, vulnerable, imperfect parts are revealed to them and they love me anyway.

If I have kale in my teeth, they tell me. If I'm being an asshole, they tell me. If I need to calm the hell down, they tell me.

I don't need a lot of friends, I need friends who are true and real. Friends who can pick me up when I need it, and friends who can tell me when they're struggling and need me.

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I don't have the desire to go out with 20 women on a Friday night, I mean it's fun and all, but I prefer one-on-one time in a quiet setting where I can talk and connect with these women. I want to sit at a table with them in a restaurant and laugh until my stomach aches.

I want friends who air their dirty laundry in front of me (I bet mine is dirtier), and know they are safe. I want friends that know no matter what happens down the road, we are women who have ties that run deep and a love for each other which is unbreakable. And their time and friendship has been more meaningful to me than so many other things in my life, even if we piss each other off.

Because when I look at these women, I still see the girl standing by the pencil sharpener. I still imagine the redhead with the great smile holding the Diet Coke. These women are a huge part of me.

And they've set the bar pretty damn high.

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