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Plastic Surgery for Your Post-Baby What?

Photograph by Getty Images

How’s your sex life, ladies? Could it be better? Is it lagging, for some reason? Feel like you could use a little oomph, a little rejuvenation? As we all know, there are so many factors that could be playing into this.

Sure, maybe your sex life is sucking because you work your ass off all day at your job and those kids are also making you too exhausted to late-night “work-it.” Maybe it’s lagging because you had a baby a few months ago and not only are you not yet ready to open up the club to party, but you’re so sleep-deprived that you can’t even find the energy to talk, let alone talk dirty. Perhaps it’s just a temporary slump because of stress or anxiety or some other common reason for the occasional slack in the sack. Well, the makers of a new cosmetic treatment called DesirialR have a different theory: It’s because you have an old, wrinkly vagina.

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A French company has developed the product DesirialR to assist in the sex lives of women over 40 by giving a boost to their “tired” vaginas. Just like Restylane or Juviderm is used to fill the lips and other parts of the face, DesirialR is a filler used to "plump up" your other, southern lips, or the ol’ vagina which can apparently lose tone and elasticity when estrogen levels fall, especially after menopause.

Dr. Taylor Barnes, a cosmetic specialist and general practitioner in southwest London told the Daily Mail, “A woman’s vagina is a lot like the lips on the face, in that it is prone to withering and dehydration with age, particularly during and after the menopause which happens around the average age of 51, when there is a loss of estrogen. They can go rather crinkly, lose volume and look unsightly.” Withered, dehydrated, crinkly and unsightly? If this doctor’s goal was to make me picture an empty, crumpled up, potato chip bag vagina—mission accomplished.

Ten years from now, I’m pretty sure my hubby will still be “interested in my anatomy.”

DesirialR is currently in clinical trials in France, but due to be available in the UK by the first of the new year.

Among the selling points for plumping your privates includes the claim that so-called “cougars” can compete with younger women and date younger men. Dr. Barnes claims that “DesirialR will allow ladies who might be divorced and embarking on a relationship with a younger man to boost that area, without surgery … he’s going to be very interested in her anatomy, and she is going to feel more confident.”

I’m pretty sure these “older women” who are dating younger men are keeping them interested with more than just a puffy-pillow-part.

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Listen, if a woman wants to “re-stuff her lady furniture” that’s her deal. She has her reasons, and it’s none of my business. But, for myself, if it doesn’t have a functional benefit (e.g., turbo-charging my goods, or ramping up my V12 to a V16), then I think I’ll pass. Ten years from now, I’m pretty sure my hubby will still be “interested in my anatomy” even if it doesn’t look like “how you doin’, I’m 22” down there. Besides, what if it all went wrong? I don’t want to put him in the position of being face-to-face with a blowfish. That’s not fun for anyone. Naw, if I’m worried about it looking more youthful down there, I’ll just throw on a pair of Hello Kitty undies.

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