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Mom Used Breast Milk in Bake-Sale Brownies and the Internet Lost It

Photograph by Twenty20

Even if you think breast is best, maybe putting your breast milk in desserts for the school bake sale isn't the best idea. One mom recently revealed her brownie's secret ingredient (her breast milk) but couldn't understand why people were angry at her. Did we mention she made brownies with her breast milk?

The Facebook page Sanctimommy posted a screenshot of an anonymous mom's Facebook post. The post read: "I need some advice. I made brownies for my school bake sale that had breast milk in them. I didn't have time to run to the store and didn't think it was a big deal (some of those kids could use the nutrition, let's be honest). And it wasn't even that much. One of the other moms found out and (is) blowing it way out of proportion. Idk what to do! Any suggestions? :("

Yeah, there's a lot to unpack there.

The most glaring of all is the sanctimonious judgment that the kids at school aren't getting the "nutrition" they need. And then she uses it to justify her decision to feed everyone her boob juice, however magical and life-sustaining, without their knowledge or permission.

People quickly picked up on it, and they've got jokes!

"Once she uses her own eggs, then she can brag about nutrition. Amateur," wrote Lori Swope.

"'Susan. These brownies are DELISH! What's in them?' ' ... me,'" joked Molly Horner DeCaro.

"Well, if those other moms would breastfeed their kids all the way (through) college, I wouldn't have to supplement their nutrition, now would I?" wrote Jessi Ramsey Golden.

"Oh my gosh, YES, the only way I can get my kids to drink breast milk is by slipping it into baked goods, breakfast cereal, etc. They're in their 20s, so they're not as receptive to latching on anymore, but I'll be damned if I'm going to deprive them of Mommy's precious nutrients," wrote Carol A. Fleischer.

The sarcasm is relentless, even in people's comparisons to other body fluids.

"It's like that one time I made lemonade with my urine because I ran out of water and didn't feel like going to the store to get more. I only drink Perrier so they were getting, like, the best urine ever. I don't know why everyone was so mad about it," wrote Kelly Tijerina.

Look, we can't even tell if this is even real. Since the name on the post is crossed off, it's hard to verify with the perpetrator. And besides, there are a few things that smell off about her post.

For instance, why does she have to use milk in brownies anyway? As brownie experts (as in, expert brownie eaters), many brownie recipes don't include milk. Core ingredients include flour, chocolate, sugar, eggs and some form of fat, like oil or butter.

Also, how did one of the other moms "find out"?

"My Thanksgiving mashed potatoes have cream cheese in them and you better bet my brother won't be 'finding out' any time soon!" wrote one mom, Becky Sniezevage.

Other comment threads focused on more technical questions. For example, would baking breast milk work the same chemically as cow milk? And why is it strange to consume the former but not the latter? Does baking kill off all the safety risks? Would allergens pass through as well? Did she use breast milk in the frosting, too? Is she even frosting her brownies?

And, most importantly, is the mom the same person mentioned in this comment?!

"This is hilarious. My son was sick when he was a newborn and was in the NICU for six weeks. I brought the nurses goodies occasionally, but they informed me they couldn't accept baked goods because a mom fed them all brownies made with her breast milk without their consent or knowledge," writes Kimberli Chunglo.

In all seriousness, as for whether or not it's safe to consume a stranger's breast milk, the FDA's recommendations are geared toward babies and don't quite have school bake sales in mind. But it does say how important screening is and warn against feeding babies breast milk acquired directly from individuals or through the Internet.

"When human milk is obtained directly from individuals or through the internet, the donor is unlikely to have been adequately screened for infectious disease or contamination risk. In addition, it is not likely that the human milk has been collected, processed, tested or stored in a way that reduces possible safety risks to the baby," it says. "Risks for the baby include exposure to infectious diseases, including HIV, to chemical contaminants, such as some illegal drugs, and to a limited number of prescription drugs that might be in the human milk, if the donor has not been adequately screened."

So, umm, how about a car wash next year instead?

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