If you listen to Barry White's old-school love anthems,
you'll hear it: the subtle sound of pornflakes splashing against your speaker,
which is why so many filmmakers slip a little "bow-chicka-bow-wow"
into every heated scene. I mean, so I've heard. But let's just put it all out there, shall we? Sex after kids is different.
right music to get you in the mood isn't always
easy, especially after a full day of changing diapers and feeding your little one. Oh, sure, you can find some good stuff on Spotify, but the spirit will die the second advertisers remind you that premium service
isn't commercial-free. Perhaps it's time we accept that even the best
playlists in the world can be flawed—but what if they had help when it came to livening up your libido?
If you haven't
met Amazon's virtual assistant, Alexa, a hands-free speaker you control with
your voice, you may want to take note because she's about to become your new
best friend and wingman.
This week, Amazon
rolled out 500 new voice commands that enable Alexa to set the mood based on
whatever you desire (for the low, low price $99 per year for Prime membership
and a $4 monthly charge for Echo owners to access Amazon Music Unlimited).
So what if you have three minutes to spare and need some "baby-making music"? No problem, simply ask your new BFF, Alexa, to find it for you and
focus on the task at hand.
doesn't appreciate all things pillow
talk, she seems to respond well to PG-rated commands in the bedroom, like
play "hooking up music" or "classical music for sleeping."
Still, it's fun
to tease a robot, and Alexa is an easygoing target for those on social media.
This morning Alexa acknowledged then blithely ignored my commands to stop playing music three times in a row. I think she's hitting puberty.
And I supposed
adding a third party into the mix can feel a bit awkward at times, but Amazon
is doing their best to make the transition into a digital life as seamless as
possible, and people are inherently lazy, so why not give her a chance?
The next time the kids are away for a few dayshours
minutes (all you really need) and you want to sneak a little romance into the
boudoir—but can't find anything appropriate
in your spouse’s digital library—remember Alexa, the wingbitch of eargasms. She's on call, ready for action and probably the only other woman who will
respond to commands from your husband. That is, if she's listening.