If you listen to Barry White's old-school love anthems, you'll hear it: the subtle sound of pornflakes splashing against your speaker, which is why so many filmmakers slip a little "bow-chicka-bow-wow" into every heated scene. I mean, so I've heard. But let's just put it all out there, shall we? Sex after kids is different.
Finding the right music to get you in the mood isn't always easy, especially after a full day of changing diapers and feeding your little one. Oh, sure, you can find some good stuff on Spotify, but the spirit will die the second advertisers remind you that premium service isn't commercial-free. Perhaps it's time we accept that even the best playlists in the world can be flawed—but what if they had help when it came to livening up your libido?
If you haven't met Amazon's virtual assistant, Alexa, a hands-free speaker you control with your voice, you may want to take note because she's about to become your new best friend and wingman.
This week, Amazon rolled out 500 new voice commands that enable Alexa to set the mood based on whatever you desire (for the low, low price $99 per year for Prime membership and a $4 monthly charge for Echo owners to access Amazon Music Unlimited).
So what if you have three minutes to spare and need some "baby-making music"? No problem, simply ask your new BFF, Alexa, to find it for you and focus on the task at hand.
Though Alexa doesn't appreciate all things pillow talk, she seems to respond well to PG-rated commands in the bedroom, like play "hooking up music" or "classical music for sleeping."
Still, it's fun to tease a robot, and Alexa is an easygoing target for those on social media.
Feeling risque? Try this:
Hmmm, perhaps she would rather just watch.
This could be a real problem when the kids are asleep.
Guess what? She’s not just here to act as your musical servant; Alexa can help with other things, too.
Okay, so maybe she’s not perfect.
And I supposed adding a third party into the mix can feel a bit awkward at times, but Amazon is doing their best to make the transition into a digital life as seamless as possible, and people are inherently lazy, so why not give her a chance?
The next time the kids are away for a few
minutes (all you really need) and you want to sneak a little romance into the
boudoir—but can't find anything appropriate
in your spouse’s digital library—remember Alexa, the wingbitch of eargasms. She's on call, ready for action and probably the only other woman who will
respond to commands from your husband. That is, if she's listening.