Back-to-school season is in full force and many parents are on the brink of ripping up their kids' long supply list in frustration. But for Dena Blizzard, the real and hilarious mind behind One Funny Mother, all the complainers can kindly shut up and just "buy the f*cking pencils."
Blizzard's rant comes during a heated season of moms angry about spending hundreds of dollars on seemingly nonsense things included on the annual lists. ("What does an 11-year-old need with [two 4-inch binders]? ... Is she working for the Pentagon? Is she working on her thesis?" asks Susannah B. Lewis.) Recent news reports also focus on the rising costs of school supplies and extracurricular activities within the last decade, as well as back-to-school expenses that actually put some families in debt.
For Blizzard, the cost of any school supply is worth it. Actually, after hearing her reasoning, it even seems sensible to go the extra mile.
"Listen, it is the end of August—I will give you anything to take my kids," she says in her now viral, tirade through the aisles of Target. "I'll get you a yellow binder, I'll get you a red binder, I will tie-dye some sh*t. If you take these kids out of my house, I'll get you whatever you want. ... All you people say, 'I'm not going to pick up any Kleenex for the class.' You can't give that teacher a Kleenex? These teachers have been making plans to teach your kids and you're all complaining about some pencils? Are you kidding me? Do you know how much I would pay them just to get my kids out of my face?"
The mom is willing to buy her kids' teachers anything, from a microwave or welcome mat for their homes to suitcases for their spring break. Whatever it takes for Blizzard to not have to talk to her kids or pretend to entertain them anymore, she is all for it.
Actually, your gratitude to the educators of America is already overdue.
"You need to send your thank-you note now to your teacher ... because they're going to be putting up with your kids," Blizzard says. "So stop your complaining, go out and get your stupid supplies, and you need to hug a teacher on the first day of school."
All joking aside, Blizzards' point that teachers are underappreciated hits the nail on the head. Teachers often bear the brunt of the cost when parents do not or are unable to fulfill the school supply lists. Nationwide, teachers supplement school supplies with their salaries, which are already infuriatingly low. The lack of resources for educators even pushed a third-grade teacher to beg for school supply money on the side of the road.
So the next time a teacher requests some tissues, give them some damn tissues.
“For the vast majority of teachers, there really is a method to the madness on these lists,” says Tim Sullivan, founder of TeachersList.com, which collects and posts school supply lists from around the country. "One red folder and one blue folder may sound silly or unimportant, but not when red will always mean vocabulary and blue will always mean math for the entire class for the entire year. Your child’s green folder just won’t work.”
What unique requests could your kid be required to fulfill this year? If your child attends one of the schools mentioned, it could include anything from shaving cream to gluten-free paint.