There are already so many things couples should talk about before having kids, including work, budget and family traditions. Apparently, your vaccination stance should now be a talking point, too, as one mom recently learned.
The anonymous mom, writing under the username Motherduckling, wanted to vaccinate her daughter. The problem? Her husband is wary of vaccines. She has had to fight him every step of the way, arguing with him to get their baby her 8- and 16-week shots. Now that her daughter is 13 months old, her husband is saying she can have the MMR (measles, mumps and rubella) vaccine but not the others.
The frustrated mom looked to a Mumsnet forum for advice. "What can I do? Just take her and give her them all?" she asked.
Many advised her to do what's best for her child, even if that means going behind her husband's back. They said that any relationship fallout is less important than her child getting the medical care she needs. Some suggested not lying but to have him chat with a medical expert. (Also, news flash: The 13-month-old has been vaccinated before!) The rare comment suggested both parents should have a say.
Then, there was the question of discussing vaccinations pre-baby. Is this a fundamental difference that should've been brought up before now? Or are vaccinations something you "just do," for the same reason you don't ask your partner for "permission to feed the baby"?
Later in the comments, Motherduckling clarified that her husband thinks vaccinations "are full of stuff," citing the non-fact that "many of his friends haven't vaccinated their children and they are all OK" as proof (which, by the way, is anecdotal and doesn't prove anything).
"Another reason is one of his friends vaccinated one twin and not the other, and the unvaccinated one is well ahead of his brother in terms of pretty much everything (education, growing, sports)," she wrote.
Wait, what?! Somehow people choose to believe parents who are playing scientists instead of the real scientists? And they're determining what the causes of development rates are for themselves?
Having had enough, the mom finally decided she would keep trying to talk to her husband about it, but would still take her child in for vaccinations and only tell her husband about it afterward.
In 2015, a court ruling ordered a 4-year-old boy to get up to date on all vaccinations and comply with a schedule after his anti-vax mom and pro-vax dad from Michigan went head to head. While Motherduckling has no intention of taking this to court, we have a feeling that with the alarming rise in non-medical exemption rates, it's only a matter of time before someone does.