Who a mom-to-be allows into her delivery room is an incredibly personal decision that shouldn't be taken for granted. It doesn't matter who you are, you don't have the right to be in a birthing mom's space with a front-row ticket to the action unless she specifically asks you to be there. More important, you don't have the right to make Mom feel bad about it if she didn't ask you. Unfortunately, some family members seem to struggle with this concept. When one mother-in-law found out that she wasn't guaranteed a spot during the birth of her grandchild, things got awkward.
The problems started when Mom found out that she and her husband were expecting baby No. 2. But to first understand, the anonymous woman explained on Reddit what her MIL did after the birth of their first baby.
During the first delivery, the mom only had her sibling and husband in the delivery room because "it was a complicated pregnancy, and really complicated birth and aftermath." So, they told Grandma that after the birth, they'd arrange a visit at home when everyone was settled.
"She took this to mean jump on a plane straight away without telling us upon hearing news of the birth," the mom wrote. "We only knew she was here because a nurse came to us after I had minor surgery to fix an injury during birth, [saying] that a woman was trying to get into the NICU to see our son. So, that happened, and I was annoyed, but it was whatever."
This time around, her MIL started calling and messaging her husband nonstop after they shared the baby news. Grandma informed her son that she "has dibs" on being in the delivery room this time or else she won't come to help with their firstborn.
Grandma informed her son that she 'has dibs' on being in the delivery room this time or else she won't come to help with their firstborn.
That's right—Grandma threw down an ultimatum. Either she gets an invite to the birth suite or she won't be helping with her older grandchild when her second grandchild is born.
"This woman is nothing short of competitive with my family when it comes to our son. She will throw a fit when we fly home for a visit if my family has more time. I am convinced she has a tally board that has a tick for each visit family make to us or vice versa," the mom wrote. "So now, this woman, who I've recently made great strides to heal old wounds and bury the hatchet with, is trying to dictate to us that she be at the birth and somehow thinks that my sister has already seen one so it's her 'turn.'"
But that's not even what this mom is most upset about. It's the fact that she would bypass her and makes these demands to her husband when she's the one pushing out the child.
"Skipped right over asking me and put her own son in the unenviable position of passing along this message to me. [Dear husband] did hang up on her after his common-sense approach missed its mark," she wrote. "He ended up texting her that we would be fine without her and that we weren't going to put up with this competitive shit again. She has since made some vague sad postings on [Facebook] about how her good intentions always get discarded and thrown back in her face. LOL."
This confident mama is ready to let her in-law's actions blow up in her face instead of giving in.
"It is going to bite her in the ass because my family has already extended offers to watch my son or whatever we need in case this pregnancy and birth is like the last," she wrote.
While she also joked that they might be moving and she could "forget" to tell her mother-in-law, the pregnant mom came up with a more practical plan: "We're gonna tell them and the NICU/maternity ward that unexpected visitors need to be turned away. I'm only in the 1st trimester and it feels nuts to be planning that far ahead, but now I realize that it's for our own good," she wrote.
This post was originally published on Mom.me sister site CafeMom.