The Funniest Parenting Tweets This Week: January 25-29

What about a Barbie who drinks 8 coffees a day while wandering the house with a blanket draped over her shoulders? I feel unrepresented.

— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) January 29, 2016

If going braless to drop my kid off at school is wrong, I don't wanna be right.

— Housy Wife (@wife_housy) January 28, 2015

Him: "I should do something productive" Me: "Like open wine?" H: "No, like-" M: "Like pour me wine?" H: "No, I-" M: "Like bring me wine?" H:

— Wendy S. (@maughammom) January 28, 2016

The kids and I are waiting at our gate by a man who is sleeping so I sat next to him and whispered softly in his ear "please trade me lives"

— Sweatpants Cher (@House_Feminist) January 28, 2016

A haiku about my day: Whine whine whine whine whine. Whine whine whine whine whine whine whine. Wine, red and white, both.

— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) January 27, 2016

Today's lunch is a collection of all the sandwich crusts my son hasn't eaten over the past two weeks.

— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) January 28, 2016

What's your diet secret? My toddler takes all my food out of my hand and yells, "mine!" while sprinting away from me.

— EmRose24 (@rose24_em) January 26, 2016

Mother Nature made them cute as babies so you would take care of them. She made them obnoxious as teenagers so you'd let them leave.

— Ɠıཞɩ Ơŋ ɬą℘ąʂ (@girlontapas) January 28, 2016

"You don't need makeup to look beautiful," my husband said and I sat stunned ... "more like a mask," he added and we laughed and laughed.

— Darlin' Darla (@Darlainky) January 27, 2016

7: Come see what I made. M: Let me finish what I'm doing, then I will. 7: How about I stand here & tell you all about it until you give up.

— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) January 26, 2016