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Lawmaker Proposes Outlawing Masturbation

Photograph by Facebook

Nothing says, "Screw you," like a woman trying to make a point. And one Texas lawmaker is doing just that with a bill to regulate men's health and safety by making masturbation a civil offense.

Boom.

State Rep. Jessica Farrar (D-Houston) admits that HB 4260, which she introduced, is satire. But she goes on to say, "There is nothing funny about current healthcare restrictions for women and the very real legislation" introduced by men trying to legislate women's heath care.

"A lot of people find the bill funny," Farrar shared on Facebook. "What's not funny are the obstacles that Texas women face every day, that were placed there by legislatures making it very difficult for them to access healthcare."

It's about time a woman in power started hitting below the belt.

The Good Old Boy Network, otherwise known as the GOP, has been running the show for so long that they seem to have lost touch with reality. According to an Associated Press article, the 11-term Democrat said that her bill mimics how a woman seeking an abortion is forced by Texas law to undergo a transvaginal ultrasound, which "has nothing to do with her healthcare."

Perhaps a little slap on the wrist (though it appears any slapping will stem from below) is exactly what the GOP needs to wake up when it comes to women's healthcare.

Despite having a zero percent chance of passing through Congress, Farrar's proposal, if approved, would restrict all "abstinent sexual relations or occasional masturbatory emissions" to medical facilities that are better equipped to lend a healing hand (total pun).

And the punishment for those caught red-handed (#sorrynotsorry)?

Anyone found guilty of breaking the rules would receive a $100 fine. Also, the HB 4260 bill would impose a 24-hour waiting period on vasectomies, colonoscopies and Viagra prescriptions along with the “medically unnecessary” rectal exams.

So, how does it feel to be medically controlled by a woman?

According to Rep. Tony Tinderholt from Arlington, it feels like she needs a better education. He told the Texas Tribune that he was embarrassed for Rep. Ferrar. “Her attempt to compare [HB 4260] to the abortion issue shows a lack of a basic understanding of human biology. I would recommend that she consider taking a high school biology class from a local public or charter school before filing another bill on the matter.”

No bitterness there, eh, Tinderholt?

Despite his juvenile response to her poignant message, Ferrar said she hopes the satirical bill will make people stop and think more critically about women's health care.

“Maybe my colleagues aren’t capable of that, but the people who voted for them, or the people that didn’t vote at all, I hope that it changes their mind and helps them to decide what the priorities are.”

And, if we're lucky, it will. It certainly wouldn't be the first time a woman was right about something.

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