Most people think divorce is a four-letter word. Mostly due to the emotional laces that are woven throughout the holes of a marriage, but also because of the stigma that society has created around the word itself. Perhaps it is time to whip out an old proverb:
“Don't judge a man until you have walked a mile in his shoes.”
Adam and Victoria did what a lot of couples in love do: They got married and had a baby—a little boy whom they both adore. Unfortunately, the bond they shared was not enough to keep the two of them together, and they soon divorced.
Their story was recently shared on the Love What Matters Facebook page with a message about mutual respect that came through LOUD AND CLEAR.
"The top two photos were taken when Adam and I were married. The bottom two, taken nearly one year and over two years after our divorce was finalized. We are not in love, we don't always agree, we're not best friends, sometimes we don't even like one another. But you know what we are? We are forever connected because of our beautiful, smart, kind, compassionate, funny son. We RESPECT one another. We remember that neither of our roles as parents take precedence over the other —neither one of us are any more important to the life of our son. We BOTH need to be there, we BOTH deserve quality time and quality memories with him. Neither of us blame one another for the direction our relationship took. We do not place blame on one another, and we certainly don't place blame in the presence of our son.
"Adam and I are not perfect co-parents, but we made a deal when we got divorced, to put our son first and to value the richness that we each bring to his life, for different reasons. So yes, we still have a family portrait taken, and I still pay good money to have the images printed, framed, and placed in our son's bedroom; he may not grow up with parents who live in the same house... but he will grow up to see respect, kindness, empathy, compassion, perseverance, flexibility, and even sacrifice being modeled by both of his parents and he will know it is possible to fall out of love but never fall apart."
Divorce is hard, so hard. It's emotionally draining all the time. Imagine how tough it is on the kids in a relationship. They're the innocent bystanders of a failed marriage. They are heartsick, powerless and delusional enough to think that maybe, one day, their lives will return to normal, and their parents will reunite. The least we can do—as mature adults who want what is best for our kids—is to try and get along. But it isn’t always that cut-and-dried.
In the words of Rob Base and DJ E-Z Rock, “It takes two to make a thing go right.”
Wouldn't it be nice if both parents could suck it up, check their egos at the door and remember that. And grab some pictures of them doing just that?