think divorce is a four-letter word. Mostly due to the emotional laces that are
woven throughout the holes of a marriage, but also because of the stigma that
society has created around the word itself. Perhaps it is time to whip out an
“Don't judge a
man until you have walked a mile in his shoes.”
Victoria did what a lot of couples in
love do: They got married and had a baby—a little boy whom they both adore.
Unfortunately, the bond they shared was not enough to keep the two of them
together, and they soon divorced.
Their story was
recently shared on the Love
What Matters Facebook page with a message about mutual respect that came
through LOUD AND CLEAR.
two photos were taken when Adam and I were married. The bottom two, taken
nearly one year and over two years after our divorce was finalized. We are not
in love, we don't always agree, we're not best friends, sometimes we don't even
like one another. But you know what we are? We are forever connected because of
our beautiful, smart, kind, compassionate, funny son. We RESPECT one another.
We remember that neither of our roles as parents take precedence over the other
—neither one of us are any more important to the life of our son. We BOTH need
to be there, we BOTH deserve quality time and quality memories with him.
Neither of us blame one another for the direction our relationship took. We do
not place blame on one another, and we certainly don't place blame in the
presence of our son.
"Adam and I are
not perfect co-parents, but we made a deal when we got divorced, to put our son
first and to value the richness that we each bring to his life, for different
reasons. So yes, we still have a family portrait taken, and I still pay good
money to have the images printed, framed, and placed in our son's bedroom; he
may not grow up with parents who live in the same house... but he will grow up
to see respect, kindness, empathy, compassion, perseverance, flexibility, and
even sacrifice being modeled by both of his parents and he will know it is
possible to fall out of love but never fall apart."
hard, so hard. It's emotionally draining all the time. Imagine how
tough it is on the kids in a relationship. They're the
innocent bystanders of a failed marriage. They are heartsick, powerless and
delusional enough to think that maybe, one
day, their lives will return to normal, and their parents will reunite. The
least we can do—as mature adults who want what is best for our kids—is to try andget along. But it isn’t always that cut-and-dried.