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Easter Egg Hunt Canceled Because Some Parents Are So Stupid

Photograph by Twenty20

My first Easter egg hunt was a terrifying experience. Instead of collecting eggs with my brother, I stood on the sidelines—basket in hand—watching sugar-infused children elbow their way toward the nearest pastel embryo. That was in the 1970s, before the wussification of America became a thing and parents decided to do all the shoving on behalf of their precious miracles.

Imagine how scary it would be for me now.

Newsflash: Competitive egg hunting is a sport designed for children, not grown-ass men and women.

Will someone please share this message with the kind folks of Pennsylvania, because their volunteer fire department just canceled this year’s Easter egg hunt due to “unruly” parents. What. In. The. Hell.

The Norco Fire Company in North Coventry Township shared a message on their Facebook page last week, informing parents of their decision to cancel this yearly event that boys and girls look forward to all year long.

"We have received numerous messages regarding our Annual Easter Egg Hunt. Unfortunately, due to the past years unruly crowds, we will not be having the egg hunt this year. We know that the majority of our community is not the problem, but we can't risk injury to children because certain individuals can't control themselves. We are hoping to try again at some point! Thank you for your continued support of Norco Fire Company!"

Some parents have elected to speak out on behalf of their children and share their 2 cents online. One commenter said, "To not have it is more damaging to the kids. Should do a little more in how you set it up."

Another writes, "We went 2 years ago and my granddaughter got pushed around and was knocked over. We didn't go last year due to that. I do not fault the fire company, I fault the parents who feel they can shove little kids around to get some candy."

And then there was this guy, who simply called a spade a spade. "It's really hard to try and retain parents when the parents themselves are total idiots and are brain dead, it's amazing that they even became parents, makes one wonder."

According to Deputy Chief Chuck Hipple, parents—despite having been told not to—continue to run onto the field, posing a danger to children. He says it’s not the majority of people but a few people “just can’t seem to let the kids have fun.”

Officials say they hope to try again later to hold the event in the township near Pottstown, 40 miles northwest of Philadelphia.

Great job, parents. Way to damage any colorful memories that your children may have had without that domineering nudge from you. Maybe next year, you can duck behind some bushes and hijack that sleigh before Santa takes off.

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