When I started dating my husband, people were extremely
curious about his two children. They asked me lots of questions, asked me how I
could “deal with a man who already had children” and if he would ever want to
“start over” with me and have more kids.
really hard to not get irritated. Really, I did try, and I know my husband had to do
this as well. Because when his family found out we were dating and he mentioned
that he was thinking of marrying me and having more kids, everyone told him
that was a terrible idea.
already have two!” They told him. “Why on Earth would you want to start all
over? It’s going to be really hard on Chloe and Trey.”
I guess I
get it. I can understand where people were concerned. But to my husband and me?
He isn’t “starting over.” He’s adding to his family. There isn't going to be
“his first two kids” and then “new babies.” There are only going to be his
children. My children. Our children.
discussed babies in the past, I did worry about Chloe and Trey. At the time,
they were 4 and 2, and I worried that they would feel replaced by a new
baby. I worried that they would be upset that the baby would be with daddy all
the time and they only get every other week. I worried that my bond with the
two of them would wane, that the love I feel for them would be overshadowed by
the new baby that had grown inside me for nine months.
This is about giving the kids another sibling, about our family not being finished yet.
But as our
family has strengthened, those thoughts don’t plague me anymore. I no longer
think of Chloe and Trey as my stepchildren whom I have to protect from feeling
less important, but instead as our two children—our big kids who will one day
deal with a little brother or sister in our family. I think of them the way I
imagine most people think of their oldest children. I worry about how they
would react to a baby, but from a place of change and growth, not alienation.
still don’t get it. Before I was pregnant, I was having major baby fever when my
husband told me, in front of his family, that we still had things we needed to
do before adding another baby. “Or you could just wait,” my sister-in-law said,
“since you already have two kids.” My husband corrected her, telling her he
still wanted more.
asked him how that made him feel. “If we had two kids together, do you think
people would think it was weird we wanted to add a third?”
said. “But I think everyone thought I was done having kids with Chloe and Trey.
I guess they just think I should be done.”
But this is
our family. This isn’t a discussion
on “starting over” with a new family or my husband having “separate” kids. This
is about expanding our family, filling our home with more laughter, more
yelling, more sticky hands and more “HUGGIES!” from kids with outstretched
arms. This is about giving the kids another sibling, about our family not being
finished yet. This is about love.
part of a blended family, do you want to have more children? Are people
supportive of your decision, or do they think it’s a terrible idea?