Join Club Momme for exclusive access to giveaways, discounts and more!

Sign up

The Haiku of Pregnancy

Pregnancy and childbirth is a trip. Your body completely transforms. And not only that, but it also holds your emotions and your mental state hostage in the process. It's nine months of "What the hell is that?" and "I really want some sushi" and "Is THAT the mucus plug?" It's an exciting time. You are housing a teeny-tiny human being in your belly. You feel wonderful. And you also feel gross. And really sick. But so excited. And nervous. The whole experience can be difficult to put into words.

It has been said many times before that poetry is a powerful tool for self-expression. So, it only makes sense to write a series of Japanese haiku about the whole experience, right? In a nod to my Japanese heritage, I thought I'd compose some thought-provoking, emotion-filled haiku about the experience of being preggers.

RELATED: All The Things That Made Me Cry This Pregnancy

First Month

It's your birthday, babe!

Let's celebrate with whiskey

Forget the condom

Second Month

Was it the nachos?

Pull over I need to barf

Please don't touch my tits

Third Month

Nope. Wasn't nachos.

But can I get some nachos?

GO GET ME NACHOS

Fourth Month

Second trimester

Hey, everyone I'm pregnant!

You thought I got fat

Fifth Month

Cold ultrasound gel

Is that a little penis?

Post it on Facebook!

Sixth Month

Innie now outie

Haven't pooped in seven days

Really want a drink

Seventh Month

Linea negra

Kegels while I brush my teeth

Hemorrhoid ointment. Hot.

Eighth Month

Orthopedic shoes

Feels like someone punched my vag

You did this, husband

Ninth Month

Motherf***ing HUGE

Can I get some castor oil?

Get. It. Out. Of. Me.

Labor

Honey, get home now

Water broke in grocery store

Near the Boboli

***

Contractions painful

Give me the epidural

I hope I don't poop

***

What are you saying?

Too late for epidural?

Nurse, you're dead to me

Delivery

Hee Hee HOO, my ass

I don't think I can do this

Losing consciousness

***

The head is crowning

Just felt my vagina rip

Oh, God, yes, let's push!

***

He is beautiful

I'm sorry for biting you

Wait, did I just poop?

RELATED: Amber Dusick's Hilarious Pregnancy Week By Week

And there you have it, pregnancy in poetry. In a series of delicate, traditional haiku. In little seventeen-syllable nuggets. Perhaps not as noble or graceful as my Japanese ancestors may have written, but cathartic and honest all the same. And just like this series of poems illustrates, feelings about pregnancy may not always be pretty, but they are definitely raw and real. And I think that is beautiful. Sort of.

Explore More: getting pregnant, being pregnant
More from pregnancy