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When 'If' Turns Into Reality

Now that you know I have baby fever and I have my heart set on having a third baby, it’s time to share with you how we decided to go for it. Believe it or not, I had a hard time bringing it up for a serious discussion for a few months. It was one thing when my husband or I would talk about ifs. If we have another baby. If we don’t have anymore babies.

If if if if if.

Maybe.

Someday.

I liked if for awhile because it meant the door was open. There was a possibility of having another baby. Except it was hard to figure out if my husband were on the same page about making it a reality.

Why, oh, why was it so hard to talk to him about making another baby?

When Aunt Flo returned, 13 months postpartum earlier this year, she quickly became a reminder that we had some decisions to make. We weren’t trying to get pregnant but we weren’t exactly trying to prevent it every time either. Without having a predictable cycle to work with, I started to suspect that I might be pregnant.

I got excited thinking about it, but didn’t want to say anything until after taking a pregnancy test or two. (I never seem to be content with only peeing on one!) I secretly ordered some tests on Amazon. With the first negative test, I felt sad. I was actually surprised by how sad I was. The second negative brought a feeling of relief because I wanted my husband and I to be on this journey together.

RELATED: Five Things to Ask Yourself Before Having Another Baby

For a couple more months, I struggled with how to bring it up. It never seemed like a good time. I didn’t want him to feel like I was just springing a baby on him, but I wasn’t picking up go ahead signals from him either. It was all still if, if, if, if, maybe, someday. It made me wish for getting pregnant accidentally-on-purpose, though that didn’t feel right either.

Why, oh, why was it so hard to talk to him about making another baby? We usually have great communication and I typically overshare with him. But this ... this was heavy. I finally realized I was afraid he wouldn’t be onboard. That he would feel I was pushing for something we shouldn’t do. That he would think I was crazy for asking when we already have our hands full with these two.

I was afraid of feeling crushed if he said no. Not now. Not ever. I’m done with two.

Mentions of a hypothetical third child increased and it was my daughter who finally opened the door to the conversation we needed to have. She said she wanted me to have ten babies, to which I laughed. But it finally made it feel like the right time to just open my mouth and talk.

Thankfully, my husband and I were on the same page as usual.

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