should shock you when it comes to your body during and after pregnancy. Pretty much anything is considered “normal”
according to the medical profession. Horn growing out of your head? Normal. Hair growing on your palms? Normal. Demonic thoughts? Totally normal.
So it wasn’t
alarming to me at all when my face started going partially numb and swelling after
I gave birth. I rarely panic. In fact, I tend to go in the complete
opposite direction. I mean I’ve given
birth twice. They pulled a human being
out of me, twice! After that, it takes
quite a bit to get me rattled. A little
facial numbing was just not at the top of my list of things to get worked up
It took me
an entire week of laughing about this swelling and numbness for me to come to
the conclusion that I should go to the doctor. Seriously, what is wrong me?! It’s scary that I’m responsible for the well-being of two children.
The silver lining in all of this is that nobody tries to come near me or touch my baby during my “episodes of normal.”
People pay good money for lips like these.
My doctor told me that the body goes through
many different things during and after pregnancy and there is a large range of
what’s considered “normal.” She believes
that my exploding lips fall within that range of “normal” and sent me on my way
with an EpiPen (just in case). What the
fuck? I’m supposed to keep track of my
baby and this needle? Do I put the baby
down before I stab myself in the thigh? He can’t even support his head yet. I need extra arms.
I went to the doctor and after poking,
prodding and scratching up my back with different allergens to replicate this
attractive reaction, we've concluded that I may or may not be allergic to
“something” in the world. Although we can’t conclusively say what that “something”
is, and we’re not really sure just how dangerous that “something” may be.
Being “normal” totally sucks. This magical face swelling thing has now
happened three times and I refuse to stab myself with the pen. The doctor swears that this “normalcy” will
probably disappear on its own just as quickly as it’s appeared.