When I get excited about something, I want to do it now. Trying
to conceive is no different. Once the decision was made out loud and in
agreement with my husband, I wanted to be pregnant now!
I was giddy with baby making excitement. Of course, it rarely
When we ditched the condoms last month, I had no idea where I
was in my cycle. I switched my period tracking app to "trying to
conceive," hoping it would magically know when I was ovulating. It seemed
as clueless as I was. It kept recalculating its best guess so I found a
different app. Surely, this one would know how to make sense of my periods and
would tell me we were already doing it during my fertile days.
I mean, how perfect would it be to decide on a baby and get
pregnant that same week?
I walked around hopeful that a baby was already cooking in
there. Based on a couple online ovulation calculators, it was possible we had
sex around the right times without planning it. It was also possible we missed
the mark, but we had to be pregnant. We were ready, after all!
Every little thing made me think I might be pregnant. Was I
extra exhausted? Was that spotting implantation bleeding? Was my sense of smell
heightened? The countdown to the first day of my next expected period began.
Well, the day my app guessed came and went, though there was more spotting.
Still feeling hopeful, I took a pregnancy test. It was
negative, so of course my period came full force the next day. It’s like the
Murphy’s Law of pregnancy tests. You’ll always get an error if it’s your last
one and Aunt Flo will arrive fashionably late making it feel like you just
wasted a perfectly good test because you couldn’t wait one more day.
Man, that first period after deciding to try for another baby
was a huge let down. Obviously, I'm not giving up and I know all too well what
it's like to go years without getting a big fat positive. Still, it was a
bummer and a reminder that there is no guarantee my body will cooperate this
As I looked over the menstruation information I've logged since
January, it became very clear that my cycle is a mess. It's still fairly
unpredictable and I need to pay closer attention for ovulation clues. Like a
fertility detective. That's what I am right now—a fertility detective. Now,
if I could just find a decent lead.