Waiting and wondering is tough. It’s too easy to get inside my
head and get my hopes up. As I mentioned last week, I have no clue when, or
even if, I ovulated this month. All signs point to "I don’t know." So I’m left wondering and waiting.
Last week, I experienced light spotting. It wasn’t quite the
same as my previous pre-period spotting and, after a couple days, it stopped.
Since I’m looking for any sign that might clue me in on ovulation or
conception, I’m hoping what I saw was implantation bleeding. It’s seems
plausible, based on what I’ve read. The timing makes sense as does the
appearance and amount of spotting.
I feel like I should know when I’m pregnant because I’ve gone through it twice before.
Going by the guideline of my last cycle and the data I entered
in my phone app, my next period was expected to start today (as I write this). I counted down the days until I could test this morning upon waking. A good
friend of mine talked me out of urges to test sooner. For several days, I’ve
been experiencing possible early pregnancy symptoms. My need to pee
noticeably increased, I have some breast
discomfort and I’m moody. I’ve been getting more upset and crying over trivial
I’m tired, though not as tired as I was at the start of my
first pregnancy. That time, exhaustion hit me like a ton of bricks every day
after work. I actually thought I was coming down with an illness before my
breasts became really tender. Sore breasts were the real tip-off because I
never felt like that when sick before. Tired, sure. Moody, yep. But it’s hard to
rely on breast tenderness as a sign, since I’m still breastfeeding my son.
My breasts have been a little more uncomfortable lately, but sometimes I feel that way
with my period, too.
I feel like I should know when I’m pregnant because I’ve gone
through it twice before. Shouldn’t I recognize it quicker? More easily? I feel like
I might be. I hope that I am pregnant, but I just don’t know yet. I don’t know
if I ovulated or not. I don’t know if my period was really supposed to come yet
I don’t know.
I know what I’m feeling, but I’m not sure I can trust it. I
remember how I felt the week of the positive pregnancy test with my daughter,
but I don’t really remember if it was as obvious with my son. I do remember
feeling confident that I was pregnant again and the positive test confirmed it.
Feeling confident was easy, since we conceived him within one cycle. We decided,
we tried and boom—we were pregnant. The complete opposite of what we
experienced while trying for three years to conceive his older sister.
I was sad to see only one line on the test this morning. I was
really hoping to have fun news to share with husband before he left for work. I
was excited until that second line refused to appear. I’m holding onto hope
that there is still a chance I am pregnant. Having a funky cycle throws things
off and I may have ovulated later than I guessed. Maybe the hormone levels are
too low to be detected yet. I was reading how I should wait a week to test
again if my period doesn’t come, but I doubt I can wait another seven days to
test. I am going to wait a couple days then test again. If after a week I’m
still getting a negative test and Aunt Flo is no where in sight, I’m going to
give my OB a call.
It’s hard when you aren’t sure how long you should wait.