Trying to make a baby when you have two kids under four creates
some challenges. When we were trying to conceive my daughter, it was much easier
to have sex when and where we wanted. Spontaneity kept it from being a chore.
Now there are bedtime routines, bad dreams to soothe away and
the risk of being walked in on or interrupted times two. We have to plan a bit more to coordinate our
sexy time (which doesn't sound very sexy, I know). Plus, we're tired.
I fully admit to falling asleep occasionally on nights
designated for doing the deed.
Since I don't know when I'm ovulating despite charting and
using ovulation prediction tests, we can't rely on getting busy only a few
times a month. Instead, our goal is to increase intimacy throughout the month
and hope we hit my fertile window. (It's also supposed to be good for sperm
production—we need good swimmers!) Having more frequent baby-making sessions
sounds great in theory, but isn't always practical to execute with young
children in the house.
Just what am I supposed to do if I ever test positive for
impending ovulation anyway? Back in the day, I'd plan to tackle my husband as
soon as possible, but now … now I would need to wear out the kids extra good so
they want to go to bed early and would attain a nice deep sleep throughout the night.
Having more frequent baby-making sessions sounds great in theory, but isn't always practical to execute with young children in the house.
And did I mention we're tired? It's not the same tired as the
sleep-deprived newborn days, but the days often feel long and the bed so cozy
and zzzzz. That and my concept of time is skewed since becoming a mom. I swear
the last time we got busy was just the other night—or was it two nights ago?
Oh wait, my trusty app tells me it was more like four days ago. How'd that
happen? Good thing I'm not leaving all of this up to my memory.
So how exactly are we supposed to make this baby then? Without
taking all the fun out of it?
In some ways, it feels like we're back in high school sneaking
around, except instead of hiding our activities from our parents, we're trying
to keep the kids from catching us. (That has only happened once, but is a funny
story for another time.) Sometimes, on a rare date night, we'll go on a faux date
where we enjoy ourselves in a kid-free house, but mostly it's after the kids go
We've attempted to entertain the kids with a movie or in the
playroom while we get frisky, but just like when I'm on the phone, they somehow
sense that I'm busy and suddenly need us. Lucky for us, once our kids are
asleep, they usually are down for the night. If it's going to be a rough night
with frequent wakings from one or both kids, it usually starts well before we
hit the sheets, though it can be hard to predict the random, middle-of-the-night
request to be tucked back in.
To keep an illusion of spontaneity, I keep track of when we
have sex in my app but don't tell my husband the schedule. He generally does
not know my estimated fertile window. I like to drop hints to him earlier in
the day about what my bedtime plans are and make sure we go to bed at the same
time. We take turns initiating, but also know that once in awhile we might have
to wake the other when all is calm throughout our home.
And we're always prepared for interruptions. Marathon sessions
are out; fun, quick sessions are in. Now let's hope we time our baby-making
nights right this month!