When initially trying to conceive, baby-making sex is fun and
exciting. You joke about all the practice needed and the general consensus is
both of you would love to physically connect more often. Of course, making the
time to do the deed with young children in the house can be tricky, but the
time together is good.
The best days are when I get to snuggle a cute baby and I feel
my ovaries activate. That kind of baby fever can send my libido into overdrive,
but only if I’m feeling positive about the prospect of Baby No. 3.
With all the charting and pressure to time sex just right, it’s
easy for it all to start feeling like a chore. After trying unsuccessfully to
get pregnant for the past few months, I know I need to give myself some TLC to
prevent TTC burnout. It happened during the years we were trying for my
daughter. I’d get frustrated and withdraw emotionally, which would lead to
withdrawing physically too. It’s hard to be intimate when you’re worried and
stressed out, thinking your body is failing you.
So here is how I’m avoiding it this time:
Step away from the
charts. Even though I still looked at my app to see an estimated ovulation
time frame, I haven’t been charting anything other than the days we have sex.
No basal temps. No ovulation prediction tests. In a way, it feels like taking a
vacation from work.
With all the charting and pressure to time sex just right, it’s easy for it all to start feeling like a chore.
Don’t tell him when I’m
ovulating. I try to keep the illusion of spontaneity by not letting him
know when to expect an increase in activity. I might mark days in my calendar
to help us hit the best timing for conception, but I don’t always share those
with my husband so he doesn’t know when to expect me to initiate. Hey, it’s
much hotter than directly scheduling sex.
Do tell him when I want
to get busy. Sometimes I ignore the calendar altogether. If I’m really not
in the mood even though it’s in my fertile window, then I don’t initiate.
However if I feel like getting busy, then it keeps things fun to drop hints
throughout the day.
Invest in feeling sexy.
It can be difficult to switch off mom mode and get in the mood to make a baby,
which brings back that chore feeling. Yes, I really want to get pregnant again,
but I do not want to treat it like work. Doing something simple like trading my
nursing bra in for a “real” bra or other lingerie helps.
Date nights without sex.
It might seem counterintuitive to skip baby-making when we have time together
without the kids, but it’s important. Connecting without it feeling like we
must have sex every chance we get takes away some of the pressure. Being as stress-free
as possible is a good thing!
Hopefully these will continue to help me from becoming stressed
and burned out from trying to conceive. Every month we aren’t successful takes
an emotional toll, but I really want to keep thinking positive.