Something that I love about my husband is that he's a pretty easy-going guy. Whenever I come up with a new idea he's open and receptive. He's the kind of guy who always says yes to new adventures. In fact, he's usually the one coming up with the adventures.
But even he was hesitant when I brought up the idea of surrogacy. I think his first reaction was a straight up no. He could not get on board with me carrying someone else's child. He had concerns about my health and how it would affect our children. His anxiety over these issues was definitely valid. It's no easy thing to carry a child, much less for a complete stranger.
Moreover, most men just can't get over the idea of his wife carrying another man's child. There's something about that scenario that feels weird and off-putting, especially for a man. I think my husband wasn't sure how to feel about that. Would feelings of jealousy arise? He also didn't want either one of us to grow too attached to the growing life inside of my body. Would it be easy to say good-bye to the baby at the end of the pregnancy? Would he feel sad and emotional in some way? He had to reconcile a lot of these feelings and figure out how to compartmentalize everything. We worked through the different issues and scenarios together and had many long talks.
It's not easy for a man to watch his wife go through pregnancy and labor all for someone else.
Here's the thing, my husband is a fantastic person. He is selfless and giving and he really takes care of me. He never says no to a foot rub or a late night snack. He gives so much of himself to me and our children. When I was pregnant with each of our kids he really went above and beyond. He is the exact opposite of a clueless husband and father. He is as involved as he can be. So he knew that if I were to go through with my surrogacy plan he would have to be all-in too. He would have to fulfill my cravings and massage my back and navigate my hormonal mood swings. He would have to coach me through labor and take time off of work...and then, there would be no baby to show for it. We would have to put the baby into the eager arms of the waiting couple and just go home.
It's not easy for a man to watch his wife go through pregnancy and labor all for someone else. Over time, however, he has realized the beauty in surrogacy. As I said before, he is selfless and giving. He's wrestled through the questions and is ready to go through this process by my side. He may even bit a teensy bit excited about getting to do this. I think he feels pride that he gets to experience a special journey. I know my husband and I know he's just the right guy to help me along in this new adventure.