You’d think I’d be less scared to have a baby the second
time around. I already know what labor
and delivery feel like, how to care for a newborn and that my life will never
be the same. I’m not a true veteran like
Michelle Duggar, but at least I’ve done this before.
Unfortunately, when it comes to juggling a helpless new baby
with an older child (whom I predict will be pissed-off and needy), I’m a
clueless first-timer. Here’s why I’m
1. If you looked up “choking hazard” in the
dictionary, you’d see a picture of my 4-year-old’s toy collection. The Lite Bright set alone is more dangerous
than a loaded gun. Don’t get me started
on the Legos.
2. My daughter might make good on her threat to “hide
the baby in the closet” or “carry her upstairs all by myself.” I don’t need a baby monitor—I need to put a
cowbell on my big girl so I can always hear her coming.
3. I really got used to having alone time during
preschool hours. I probably won’t have
alone time again for three years. My
sanity feels sad about this.
So when exactly do I sleep? Is 2017 a good guess?
4. Instead of sleeping when the baby sleeps, I
imagine I’ll be giving my preschooler a much-needed dose of one-on-one “mommy
time.” So when exactly do I sleep? Is 2017 a good guess?
5. I like to think that I remember what sleep
deprivation feels like, but I bet actual sleep deprivation is going to shock me
8. The plan is for the baby and the big kid to
eventually share a room. Of course, this
might fail totally, and then I’ll have two kids who aren’t sleeping. Should I revise my estimate to 2019?
9. My 4-year-old will almost certainly practice her
gymnastics by stage diving from her twin bed into the crib.
10. I kept my firstborn away from screens for two
solid years before unleashing Nick Jr. and the Disney Channel. I fear this baby’s first words will be “Swiper,
no swiping!” Come to think of it, that's great advice for the 4-year-old.