I'm baffled by what is going on within my own body and
frustrated that I have little to no control over it.
When we were trying to get pregnant with our first, irregular
cycles had become my normal after going off the pill. There was rarely any
rhyme or reason (that I could see) to how long they lasted. It was a continuous
guessing game. Four months was the longest stretch I ever went without getting
a period (while not being pregnant). Various testing never provided answers either.
Surprisingly I didn't have to put as much time into trying to
get pregnant a second time. Sure, my periods were a little unpredictable
postpartum, but that seemed normal with breastfeeding. When my cycles came
regularly for three consecutive months, I knew it was a good time to start
baby-making. And it worked!
Now, I feel like I'm being thrown back into the chaos of trying
to conceive with no clue if my body will cooperate or not. Since my
menstruation cycle returned last year, it has been a little wacky, but it
seemed to steadily become more in sync. My cycle lengths were shortening and
were reliably 31 to 34 days long for four consecutive cycles. This last one
became a cycle from TTC hell.
My hopes were raised, as they inevitably are every cycle, that
I may have gotten pregnant this time. It was my last shot to have a baby in my
arms before the end of this year.
Neither of us could ignore how tired I seemed. That was the first noticeable change with both of my pregnancies.
The estimated start date of my period came and went. I knew it
had been a stressful month. The whole family was hit by a nasty stomach bug
plus both my husband and I transferred to new positions at our places of
employment. Neither of us could ignore how tired I seemed. That was the first
noticeable change with both of my pregnancies.
Maybe it was too soon, I thought. Then I lightly spotted for
only one day. Could it be implantation bleeding? I really hoped so. Another
week goes by with no menstruation and another negative test. My emotions became
a bit frazzled.
Was I pregnant but didn't know it yet? Did I ovulate later than
guesstimated? Was there something wrong with my tests? If I wasn't pregnant,
then where was Aunt Flo?
I kept clinging to hope, but four negative tests and a call to
my ob-gyn's office later my hopes were dashed. This cycle lasted 46 days, giving me
over a week of real hope that we were successful.
So now I want to know why my cycle has gone crazy again after
becoming more regular. Did I even ovulate this last time? I'm not so sure, but
I think I need to schedule an appointment with my doctor. I don't think I can
wait until September, which would mark a year of trying to conceive Baby No. 3
without success. I think it's time to start seeking answers.