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How to Maintain Your Relationship While TTC

It's almost a cliché to complain that after so many years of trying not to get pregnant, you're actually having trouble getting pregnant. Little did you know how hard it could actually be. It's easy to let the stress get to you and your partner, which in turn will affect your performance in the bedroom—not to mention the rest of your life. Here are some tips to maintain your relationship, no matter what the little blue lines say.

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Sex Without Fertility

Yes, it's true that you are trying to have a baby. And it's true that there's only a 3-5 day window where that can happen. But what about the other three-plus weeks a month? One of the most annoying phrases told to couples trying to conceive is "just relax!" But you can relax for three quarters of the month, knowing that sex is what it used to be like: just for fun, with no real end goal in sight.

Sex With Fertility

And what about those times when you actually are in the zone—when all you can do is imagine your egg dropping and meeting Mr. Sperm in the fallopian tube? Keep those "fantasies" to yourself, even as you subtly lift your legs in the air after. It's OK to have "timed sex." It's not OK to make anyone feel that they're "on the clock."

The past is called the past for one reason: It's over! Start from right at this moment and move forward from there.

Put Away the Blame

Does it matter which partner has the medical issues in the relationship? Your husband's sperm count may be too low, you might have endometriosis—both which make it harder to conceive. But it's pointless to assign blame, or worse, think about how you'd be in a different predicament if you weren't together. Point is, you are together, so it's best to remember that if one person has a problem, both of you have a problem. That is, if you want to stay together.

Leave the Past in the Past

"I can't tell you how long I've been begging my hubby to start trying, but he kept saying no, that we don't have the money, etc," one 35-year-old said. "Now I'm so sad and upset," she said, after she found out she has low ovarian reserve. "He feels so bad and keeps apologizing." Now that doesn't sound like a healthy dynamic in a relationship, especially since she doesn't know if they'd started trying to get pregnant a year earlier if anything would have been different. The past is called the past for one reason: It's over! Start from right at this moment and move forward from there.

The Rest of Your Life

Yeah, you used to have a life. Remember? Work, friends, movie nights, vacations. Whatever you're doing to try and get pregnant—whether it's monitoring your ovulation or even IVF—it's so, so important to maintain the other parts of your once-flourishing life, no matter how trivial it seems. And when it comes to your partner, it's not only doing other things that's important, it's talking about other things, too. No one likes an obsessive bore with a one-track mind, even if he's married to you. Keep open other avenues of your life, and you'll be a more well-rounded partner—the one he fell in love with in the first place.

RELATED: Everything You Wanted to Know About IVF (But Were Too Afraid to Ask)

Tips for Life

Trying to conceive can be one of the most difficult challenges a new couple can face. But if you maintain your relationship throughout the journey, by the time your child comes, you'll be closer, and better equipped to deal with anything a new tyke can bring.

Image via Twenty20/stefiakti

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