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1. You no longer appreciate discussions about the size of
You probably enjoyed watching your bump grow in the
beginning and maybe you even smiled as grandmothers cooed over you in the checkout
line, but now the comments have turned into, "Whoa!" "Any day now!" and one of
my least favorite: "You are ready to pop, eh?" It's OK to give these
chatterboxes the stink eye.
2. Peeing is just something you do—every 15 minutes.
Actually you go pee and by the time you're done washing your
hands, you think you should probably go pee just once more.
3. You're ALWAYS the warmest person in the room.
Can someone bring in a fan please?! (This will continue the
first couple of months post-birth.)
4. You have only one speed: the shuffle.
OK, OK, it's a
5. Your boobs and hair are rocking it. Pin-up style.
Don't forget to document your curvaceous body in all its glory
with plenty of photos! And those breasts are going to swell up even more if
you're nursing, so wait to make that nursing bra purchase.
6. The nursery is packed with baby gear like swaddles and
nearly every size and style of onesies.
But you're sure you're missing something
that your baby absolutely needs.
7. You actually miss pants with buttons and zippers.
Sure, maternity clothes are pretty comfy with their elastic
waistbands that allow you to (literally) let it all hang out, but you're
craving a return to more stylish gear that doesn't just pull on like a senior
citizen's track suit.
8. Kegels, Kegels, Kegels!
9. Getting into and out of bed is a process.
Before drifting off to dreamland (yeah, right), you'll need to set up your pregnancy pillow fortress. And getting out requires three-point turn precision. Luckily you've worked out a pretty successful roll off the side of the bed and haven't fallen yet.
10. Others must regularly tie your shoes for you.
This is if you haven't already ditched your normal shoes for
a pair of nail salon flip-flops that can accommodate your swollen feet.
11. You ogle thin women—and then curse them.
Remember when you could button your jeans? Remember when you
didn't have to adjust the driver's seat to fit behind the steering wheel? Remember when you could make it up that set of stairs no problem?
12. Passing by a bar causes you to make vows to drink more often next year.
Soon, my teetotaler mama, soon.
13. You spend more time with your OB than your partner.
You've heard all their best belly jokes at this point, know
where their kids go to college and their opinion on the best local real estate
investments. Yet, in the last month of your pregnancy, the doctor will often
want to see you every week or even multiple times a week if you're overdue. Yep,
ready for a little conscious uncoupling.
14. You obsess over your "hospital bag," repacking it again
and again with new items you hear are a must.
Pillows! Lollipops! Music and
scented candles?! Five outfits for the baby.