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Why I'm Afraid to Seek Help to Get Pregnant

I have to admit that I'm getting anxious about not getting pregnant. I feel the time crunch of my biological clock. I'm frustrated with my wacky cycles. And I'm afraid.

That infertility label is scary.

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I really wanted to see my ob-gyn when my last cycle lasted longer than the four previous ones. I wondered if it was time to seek help because of my history of unpredictable periods and difficulty conceiving our first. If my cycles continued to be regular, I wouldn't be as concerned.

Unfortunately, I can't get in to see her for at least another month. The nurse I spoke with said I could give it more time before seeking help or they could refer me to a fertility specialist now.

A specialist? Already? Aren't we skipping a step?

Finding out nothing is wrong, finding zero answers to explain my inability to get pregnant again is equally terrifying.

I want to avoid unnecessary, expensive tests and treatments. I want someone willing to listen and care about finding a solution that makes sense. I don't want another provider who rushes me through appointments and surprises me with a prescription for Clomid without discussing it with my husband and I. (I never picked that one up and sought a new ob-gyn after that.)

I want help understanding my cycle better. Determine when I'm ovulating. Find a pattern in the data I've collected that I am missing.

I want to problem-solve with knowledge and the least expensive options first. I don't even know if our insurance covers fertility treatments. There are a lot of questions to ponder such as what would it cost? Can we afford to go down this road—financially and emotionally?

Finding out nothing is wrong, finding zero answers to explain my inability to get pregnant again is equally terrifying. What do I do if we don't know why it's not working? How do we know what to try next?

RELATED: What It's Like to Be a Fertile Infertile

I'm finding myself unsure, confused and overwhelmed about what the next step is, or if we should even be taking a next step. I don't want to waste precious time if my body needs a helping hand trying to conceive, but I don't want to rush into fertility treatments either. For me, an infertility diagnosis could be the beginning of the end.

Image via Twenty20/upyanose

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