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10 Reasons My Husband Gave Me to Have a Baby

Photograph by Twenty20

When I was pregnant, I was freaked out. Terrified even. Yes, we had decided to have a baby, but really, what were we thinking? Besides growing a little alien inside of me, an alien I was supposed to love, were there any benefits, I wondered?

Luckily, my husband was able to put everything in perspective. I mean,

Almost nightly I would ask my husband, "Are you sure about this?" His reply would be, "Well, it's a little late now isn't it?" I was not coping all that well with my changing body and, truth be told, my pregnancies were rough. He tried to help me relax by telling me all the reasons we should be happy to be having our baby. Here are some of the things he told me, and none had much to do with love or motherhood:

1. Soccer team

So maybe you aren't into soccer. OK, pick your sport of choice. Soccer is king in our house, so my husband went with that. He told me tales of how our unborn son would one day be a professional soccer player (in Europe, where they pay well, of course). He'd set us up with a private jet to see all his games and also buy us an island to vacation on whenever we wanted. Not sure how that will pan out in the end, but we still have hope. My youngest is a left-footer.

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2. Ninja squad

Bah. Soccer team. Who needs a soccer team when you could start creating your own ninja squad? We may not be like "The Incredibles" in Pixar's film, but we could still wear black and run around thwarting bad guys. I may have to do a bit more yoga for all of this, but with our baby ninja in tow, we would be invincible.

Grandmas love to coo over babies. Use it to get to know a few locals.

3. Pirate brigade

Pillage and plunder by bedtime, of course. When the ninja squad falls through, thanks to my lack of yoga training and bendy jumping skills, we could be a pirate brigade. Neither my husband nor I have ever driven a boat, and I haven't sailed since I was a kid (even then, it was my dad doing the sailing). Small matter though. Just think what a corset would do to my post pregnancy body and posture. I'd look fabulous AND I'd get to carry a sword. We'd have to make the baby the captain and just hope he figures it out, since we are clueless. Nature vs. nurture on that one. Sorry, baby.

4. Comedy show

Have you looked at a baby recently? They are hilarious. Those little smiles and gurgles make you grin like an idiot. The poop face seals the deal, though. Just wait until they are older. I recently watched my boys do backflips off the couch, over and over again, just because they had finally figured out how to do it. And the stories. Oh, the stories kids come up with. They can keep me laughing for hours.

5. Child labor

This might take a few years to pan out, but if I don't have to do the dishes for the rest of my life or scrub toilets, then it is worth it. I'm not saying the baby will clean the whole house, but it sure would be nice to get a little help taking out the trash.

6. Travel buddy

When you travel, your child becomes an instant access point into the community you are visiting. Take advantage. Grandmas love to coo over babies. Use it to get to know a few locals. Hopefully, you will learn where the best meal in town is.

7. Halloween costumes

If you think a duet is a great way to get creative with your Halloween costumes, just wait until you make it a trio. Mommy is a princess trapped in a tower (yes, the cardboard tower would be built around me), while the ferocious dragon (baby) clings to the walls to stop the evil knight (daddy) from rescuing her. Yes, the baby would be strapped to me. Don't ask me how the logistics of all of this would work. We still haven't figured it out, and my kids are walking and talking already.

8. Insurance policy

Who was going to take care of us when we are old? Yup. That baby I was carrying. Heir and a spare might be a little cruel, but in some ways it is true. I don't want to count on the government to tell me how to be cared for in my old age, I want my kids to make that decision if I can't. Hopefully, I have raised them well, and they love me enough not to throw me into the cheap nursing home down the street and run off with all my money though.

They remind us to look where we have forgotten to look when traveling.

9. Toys

After having my first son, I quickly realized my husband had himself in mind when he offered up this reason. I'll admit, though, the toys today are pretty cool. LEGO has entire cities and worlds you can build. Does my husband ask for more LEGO sets than my kids now? It's probably a tie. Did we buy a massive wooden castle when a toy store was going out of business and our baby was only 3 months old? Definitely. Did it get set up right away? Of course.

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10. Teacher

When my husband came up with this one, I thought he was crazy. Yes, I guess we would get to teach our baby all of the wonderful things we know and mold him into an adorable little geek and artist like the two of us. What we didn't know is that our sons would end up being the teachers in many ways. They remind us to look where we have forgotten to look when traveling. Because of them, we pause in our lives just to have some silly fun, no matter how much we have to get done. Our kids helped us learn to really take life with a grain of salt.

After all, a baby is the first to remind you that you have no control over the world around you. You can't even get your own kid to sleep through the night.

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