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17 Really Inappropriate Things You Hear When You're Pregnant

Photograph by Twenty20

When I was pregnant with my first child, I thought I knew what to expect. I read all the books I could and spoke to as many of my friends who were already moms as possible. I felt prepared to take on the lack of sleep, the sore nipples and the loss of my waistline.

But one thing I wasn't prepared for when I got pregnant was the lack of personal space and boundaries from both strangers and people I knew. Pregnant women seem to be a magnet for people who don't have boundaries—they like to touch a stranger's stomach just because she has a baby inside of it, discuss vaginal births versus C-sections in line at the grocery store, and tell the worst pregnancy story they've ever heard to the pregnant lady just finishing up at the post office.

And while I might err on the side of being a more private person than not, I will admit that I was constantly shocked and sometimes offended by the onslaught of inappropriate pregnant lady comments thrown my way when I was pregnant with both of my children. Often times, people's comments are harmless. Like the people who are "sure" they know the gender of your baby because "they are always right." But other times, comments about pregnancy can be harmful or demoralizing.

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I can safely say, I've heard and seem them all. From the harmless to the creepy, here are the most inappropriate things I heard when I was preggo. What did I miss?

1. "You look sexy pregnant."

If my husband had said this, I would have been complimented. But the fact that it was a dad at my son's preschool saying this to me made me feel uncomfortable. Nothing like a leering dad with a thing for pregnant ladies to make a parent association meeting feel like a key party. Eek.

2. "You're definitely having a …"

Everyone was sure they knew what I was having, despite me not knowing the gender of my baby. And just know that since people think women carry wider and more in the back when pregnant with a girl, it's not a compliment when a friend says, "You're definitely having a girl. I can tell by the way you're carrying." Since I looked exactly the same pregnant with my son and then with my daughter, I'm not buying it!

3. "Looks like you're having twins!"

This is code for "You're fat." Make no mistake about it.

4. "You're going to have to do two-a-days to get the weight off."

Toward the end of my second pregnancy, a friend of a friend told me I'd have to do two workouts a day to lose my pregnancy weight. I gained 19 pounds with that pregnancy so I'm not sure why she was so concerned about my workout regime, but I'm fairly certain she should have kept her thoughts to herself.

5. "I never want kids."

If you don't want kids, don't tell a pregnant lady that. In fact, don't tell anyone that.

6. "Say goodbye to sleep!"

Is any pregnant lady confused about the lack of sleep that's in her future? No, we got it.

I don't know why everyone feels the need to educate pregnant ladies on the horrors that lie ahead once the baby arrives. Is any pregnant lady confused about the lack of sleep that's in her future? No, we got it. Just say, "Congratulations" and keep your warnings to yourself.

7. "Don't you hope you're having a ... ?"

Once you know the sex of your child, people love to probe you assuming you will be despondent if your second child isn't the opposite gender of your first. I always answered, "I'm just hoping for a healthy child." And I was!

8. "Girls are so much easier than boys."

Not only is this not true in all cases, it's also not the best thing to say to me after I've just told you I'm expecting a son. By the way, my son couldn't be an easier kid. So ... ?

9. "Do your vag muscles hurt?"

My friend's mom saw me when pregnant and asked if the muscles in my vagina were sore. Well, as a matter of fact they were, but did we really need to talk about it?

Speaking of which ...

10. "Are you having a vaginal birth or C-section?"

It's true pregnant ladies get used to a loss of privacy in the vag area, but it doesn't mean we want to talk about our birth plan with the guy fixing the cable. If the word "vaginal" or "vagina" is anywhere in your comment, it's probably inappropriate, unless you have a medical degree on your wall.

11. "Don't you think you can have a glass of wine? The baby's just about cooked."

I didn't drink any alcohol while pregnant with either of my kids. That was personal choice and I didn't make a big deal of it. But others did, as if going nine months without a glass of wine was the end of the world. I can't tell you how many people tried to encourage me to drink while pregnant. I didn't say they couldn't drink while I was pregnant!

12. "Is it depressing to get fat?"

When I was pregnant with my first child, a close friend's husband asked me this exact question. And no, we never went to dinner with them again.

13. "Hey, wanna hear my scary delivery story?"

Like a pregnant lady isn't nervous enough about the health of her child, she also has to hear about your near-miss?

Personally, I didn't want to hear everyone's scary birth story when I was about to give birth, but that doesn't mean people didn't tell me their scary birth story. Like a pregnant lady isn't nervous enough about the health of her child, she also has to hear about your near-miss? Nope.

14. "Let's hope you have a good baby."

All I wanted was a healthy baby. I didn't really care if the baby was fussy or slept through the night a day after being born. I just wanted a healthy kid.

15. "Are you planning on breastfeeding?"

When I was pregnant, I felt like my breasts had their own TV channel because everyone who was anyone seemed to want to talk about them. Nothing screams uncomfortable like a heart-to-heart conversation about your boobs with someone you've never met and will never see again.

16. "You know that hospitals are the biggest disease carriers, right?"

I learned the hard way to avoid the friend who spends her whole day on the Internet. She'll have endless stats and stories about all the horrors you can find in the hospital where you'll be birthing your baby. Like a new mom doesn't have enough to worry about.

17. "Are you scared your baby won't be healthy because of your age?"

Well, I wasn't scared until you asked me that. Thanks!

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But even though everyone in the world loves to comment, touch and judge everything about pregnancy, it can't take away the magic of creating a life in your belly. There's nothing inappropriate about that!

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