There are no words to describe how
awful it is to lose a pregnancy at every stage. When you're done with the
immediate things that need to be taken care of, here are some other tips to
help you make it through.
1. To Share or Not to Share
Who should you tell that you're no
longer pregnant? First and foremost, it often depends on how many people you
told in the first place. Whomever was told, unfortunately, will have to be
untold. I found the best way to do it was by email, so I did not have to relive
the sadness each and every time I told someone. Also, I could address
everything in that one missive, including saying what I needed (some time and
space to recover) although everyone is different and some people need company and
If you haven't told many people
about the pregnancy, you still might want to tell them about the loss (see
above: sympathy) because for some, the more you talk about it, the easier it
gets. I personally liked to keep my
losses private until I could deal with my feelings.
That being said, there should be no
shame involved. A miscarriage is nobody's fault. Share if you want to, keep it
private if you don't, but have no self-loathing or blame.
2. Time Off to Recover
Because I was
keeping the loss private, I decided to go to a family party that very weekend.
Big Mistake. Trying to put on a happy
face was way too hard. It might have been easier to claim the flu. I would recommend taking a
few days off—of work, of your routine, of your social life. While some women
want to jump back in and get busy to distract themselves from what happened,
I'm more of a "deal with it now so it doesn't haunt you later," type of person.
Reach out to others in your situation, find support, and above all, treat
yourself. I know women's magazines are always advocating this, but this is one
situation that really calls for it: You have been through a lot, and so has
your body. Do whatever you do to indulge or make yourself feel better. Now is
Even if you think you won't be so sad or so sad for so long, the lows of a miscarriage are often physiological.
3. Hormonal Heavies
No one warned be
about the hormonal upheavals that happen when you miscarry. First you get the
happy hormones of pregnancy, then they are taken away—along with your baby. Even if you think you won't be so sad
or so sad for so long, the lows of a miscarriage are often physiological. It takes a few months for everything to get
in balance again, so beware of lingering malaise.
lingering, no medical advisors told me about the weight gain from miscarriage,
but I swear to you that I gained 5-10 lbs each time. Perhaps the HCG hormone in
pregnancy, which is often used in the latest fad diet, contributes to the extra
pounds of miscarriage.
When's the right time to start
trying to conceive again? Many health practitioners advise waiting a cycle,
first to make sure you get your period back, second so that you'll know how to
calculate when your next pregnancy began, if it happens right away. But others
jump right back in. Perhaps not with an ovulation stick and basal cell
thermometer, but you know, just in the bedroom.
Emotionally, the time to start
again is when you're ready. Some women mourn their loss for a long time, and
others feel the best way to get over it
is to have a baby.
Just remember: there is no right way,
only a right way for you.