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9 Things I Should've Done Preggo Before It Was Too Late

Photograph by Twenty20

Even though I had terrible morning sickness and gained a million pounds, sometimes I miss being pregnant. It's the only time in an adult woman’s life when it’s perfectly acceptable to cry, nap or eat ice cream any day of the week. Basically, permission to be a hot mess.

Looking back on my two pregnancies, I definitely didn’t take enough advantage of the perks. Here’s what I really should’ve done while I was preggo and what I think all mamas-to-be are entitled to. Tell your partner I said so!

1. Nap for 24 hours straight

The first and third trimesters were so tiring, but I would always pull myself out of bed for some stupid reason like “eat dinner” or “go to work.” I wish I’d really leaned into the whole exhaustion thing, maybe even starting a charity nap-a-thon that friends and family could sponsor.

2. Splurge on a babymoon

Diapers and bottles are expensive, but so is couples counseling! Taking a romantic vacation with your honey before the baby comes is an excellent investment. I need a combination time machine/airplane that can take me back to pregnancy and land me in Hawaii.

3. Wear sexy maternity clothes

Why did I try so hard to be normal, with my boring stretchy maternity jeans and striped T-shirts? I should have been all about the low-cut tops (my boobs were amazing!) and bare midriffs like when Rachel was pregnant on "Friends." Because, why not?

4. Dress the bump for Halloween

While we’re at it, why didn’t I take full advantage of being pregnant in October? I could have gone trick-or-treating as Juno or a magic eight ball or an oven full of buns. Everything is funnier pregnant!

Pregnancy is the perfect time to see new releases—as long as there are aisle seats with easy bathroom access.

5. Eat ALL the desserts

As a non-pregnant person, my sweet tooth and my waistline are at constant war. So, why didn’t I take more advantage of the one time in life it’s OK to use a rubber band to button your jeans? Excuse me, waiter, I’ll have the tiramisu, cannoli, eclair, chocolate mousse, crème brûlée, profiterole, strawberry shortcake and ice cream sundae, please.

6. Become a regular at the spa

When you can’t see your own toenails, there's nothing nicer than having someone paint them for you while rubbing your tired arches. More of this would have been a good idea.

7. Go to the movies every night

I love movies, but now that I'm mom I never get to go. Between the cost of babysitting and the fact that I fall asleep before the previews are over, it just ain’t worth it. Pregnancy is the perfect time to see new releases—as long as there are aisle seats with easy bathroom access.

8. Swim like a fish

When you’re so heavy you can barely walk, the only place to feel light on your feet is in a swimming pool. I think joining a country club just for the third trimester would have been totally reasonable.

9. Order a cocktail

Not really for drinking—just for shock value. It would have been so entertaining to walk into a seedy dive bar, hoist my giant belly onto a bar stool and order whiskey straight up. Cheers!