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A Letter to My Firstborn

My Dear Son,

You will always be my baby. My firstborn. My little love. My best friend. The long days spent just you and I will hold a special spot in my heart forever. I know you won't remember them, but I will. And I'll try my best to remind you of them as much as possible.

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My darling boy, my son, my little sidekick, we are about to expand our family by one more heartbeat. One more little body taking up residence in my arms and on my lap and in my heart. I want you to know that my love for you will never ever change. What we have is something special, something sweet and something only we can share. No one can ever replace our bond.

This letter is for you, to let you know how deep my love reaches—it is infinite, my sweet boy.

Every fiber of my being loves your little soul. And it is about to love you even more. And soon, you and I will both have another to love as well.

But this letter is for me, too. As I fight with these feelings of growing our family and pray that you never feel unloved or ignored or jealous. For you are oh-so-loved and I will try my best to never let you feel anything else.

And I'm trying to convince myself of all of this, just as I'm trying to convince you of it. Because it is all true. I'm not sure how I have the capacity to love another little being with as much passion and depth as I love you, but I've heard from everyone that I do. That capacity is there, and it is immeasurable. My love will not shift to another, it will simply, no, magnificently, expand.

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Every fiber of my being loves your little soul. And it is about to love you even more. And soon, you and I will both have another to love as well. And I know we can do it. I know we will do it. You'll be the best big brother to this sweet angel baby. You'll love her fervently and with everything you have. Because you are mine, and that is what you do best, my son. And I cannot wait to share your love.

I'm scared and I'm anxious, and I'm ready. And what's more, I believe that you are too.

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Photograph by: Katie Michelle Reyes

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